Average Day

Just a picture of my med calendar on a normal day... And this is even post shots.

Sad news...

So, today brought some disheartening news for us. I got the call at 9:30 that only 7 of our 25 eggs fertilized last night. This is not good odds at all, especially considering that 21 of the 25 eggs were mature and ready to be fertilized. :( I know what you're thinking.. "Seven?!?! That's great! It only takes one!" Let me explain the reasons why seven is not a good number.

First off... From here until day 5 (Sunday) when they are transferred back into me, it is common to lose half of the fertilized eggs. This would put us down to possibly three. Which is still the two we need, we understand that. However, you can freeze left over eggs so that if it doesn't take this time around you can pick up from this point and try again. It is about a third the cost, a third the time, and involves no shots or painful retrievals. We were REALLY hoping that we could freeze enough of them to reduce our stress level of feeling like this "has" to work this time around. Now, that safety net has been pulled out from under us, and it adds a lot of pressure to a situation that is already filled with stress. We didn't want that.

They don't know why only seven of them worked, and were as saddened as we were about this news. We were hoping for 15, which would have still been a low number considering where we came from. As Kev put it, we felt "deflated." It has been a day of testing our positivity and faith in things working out. Every hour that passes I wonder how many more have died off. I am terrified for the next four days and I hope they FLY by. I just need to know we have enough to do this on Sunday! 

We would greatly appreciate extra prayers for those seven little eggs, that they are the best of the best and they will all (or even four) make it until Sunday! We can't afford to keep losing them! We are trying to keep our heads up and stay positive, but this has been a tough and scary bump in our road.

Retrieval Day

Today was the big day. All the shots/pills led us to this point.
I woke up this morning at 5:00 nervous about being put to sleep. I have only been put under one time before, and I got so so sick afterwards that I vomited for hours. I was not looking forward to this happening again. I also do not care for the feeling of losing control of a situation, and when you are asleep there is really no control.

We had to be there at 8:30 so that I could be prepped and ready at preciously 9:15 (35 hours after the trigger shot). Thank goodness for my amazing hubby who can distract me from almost any fear. Here is a before...

I guess everything went well. Seeing how I was asleep, I'm actually not sure at all what happened. I do remember watching the ceiling circle around me, and a bunch of people running around, then I said "This must be what it's like to be abducted by aliens?!?!" That was it for my memory of the 40 minutes I was under.

Here is the best of the after shots my hubby took. This was after I asked him "are you my husband??"

I was in some serious pain here! Even after my Fentanyl. However, the more pain meds they gave me, the longer we had to hang out there and I was feeling like I was going to throw up too, so I really just wanted to get home! Once we got home I wanted to die. Honestly. But, as usual my husband came to the rescue forcing some food down me so that I could take more pain killers, then getting me a heating pad and putting me to bed. When I woke up a little over an hour later the nausea had passed and I actually felt hungry! I'm not going to pretend I felt good, because that is still not the case. I am CRAZY sore and walk like a 90 year old woman. BUT it is still worlds better than earlier, and I will take it!

HOWEVER... This entire situation was so worth it to know that they were able to retrieve 25 eggs!!!! That's right, 25!!!!!! The average is 8-15, so I would say we did a pretty good job! :) (This could also be the reason it was so stinkin painful!)

Now we wait until the phone call tomorrow that tells us how many of our little eggs fertilized today after we left them. I am nervous. In a way I didn't want to leave them there alone. It's a funny feeling.

Thank you so very much to all the texts and phone calls I got today checking on us. I appreciate your thoughts and concerns more than you know. I don't think anyone needs to worry about me though; I have the world's best nurse living in my house :)

I'll let you know what we find out tomorrow!!!!! Fingers crossed!

Triggered

So yesterday was it... Last day of my shots (if all goes as planned).
At 10:15 EXACTLY, I gave myself the "trigger" shot for a 9:15 retrieval on Tuesday morning. I cannot believe that it is actually going to happen tomorrow! Right now it is looking like there are something like 30 follicles so we should have a great number of eggs! That is exciting! However, right now is when they think that my hyper-stimulation is really going to rear its ugly head. I am on constant watch of my symptoms and what is going to be "normal" for someone in my case... And what is not.

The doctors said I am going to get pretty sick after Tuesday morning, but that it should start to taper off by Thursday. If it does not, that is when we start getting concerned. I am so determined for this not to happen, but I would also appreciate any prayers. If I don't get better, we cannot do the transfer on Sunday, and therefore we have to start things over next month. That is NOT the route we want to go, obviously, however it can get dangerous for me if they do not put a stop to it.

These doctors are amazing. So impressive. And for the last few months I have simply been their science experiment. I know that they will not put my health in jeopardy, and I also know they want for us to be able to do a fresh transfer on Sunday, so I just have to learn to trust them. I will work on convincing my body as well :)

So off we go, for two more doctors appts this week, and then a transfer on Sunday!!! I am nervous to be put under tomorrow, but we have come so far that I am actually more excited to just get it over with and know that all these eggs I have been working to grow are now in a safe place! Wish us luck!

Thanks for the reminder, Colbie Caillat

                       "Think Good Thoughts"

I'm just gonna say it,
There's no using in delaying,
I'm tired of the angry hanging out inside me,

So I'll quiet down the devil,
I'm gonna knock him with a shovel,
And I'll burry all my troubles underneath the rubble

When I'm alone in my dark dark room,
I have to tell myself to,

Think good thoughts,
Think good thoughts,
Imagine what the world would be if we would just,
Think good thoughts,
Stop the bad from feeding,

I won't let the negativity turn me into my enemy,
Promise to myself that I won't let it get the best of me,
That's how I want to be
Na, na, na, na

I'm not saying that it's easy,
Especially when I'm moody,
I might be cursing like a sailor till I remind myself I'm better,

Cause words can be like weapons,
Oh and you use them, you regret them,
Oh but I'm not gonna let them take away my heaven

And when I start feeling blue,
I remember to tell myself to,

Think good thoughts,
Think good thoughts,
Imagine what the world would be if we would just,
Think good thoughts,
Stop the bad from feeding,

I won't let the negativity turn me into my enemy,
Promise to myself that I won't let it get the best of me,
That's how I want to be

I just think rain on a summer night,
Stars filling up the sky,
Sunshining on my face,
Making a secret wish,
Finding my happiness,
That always makes me hold my head up high,
I wanna hold my head up high,

I wanna think good thoughts (Imagine what the world would be if we would just think good thoughts)
I wanna think good thoughts (wouldn't that be something?)
I won't let the negativity turn me into my enemy,
Promise to myself that I won't let it get the best of me,
That's how I want to be
Na, na, na, na

Shots, pills and more shots...

So sorry~ I have been meaning to update you fine folks but the time in my world has been FLYING by and somehow it has already been a week since the last time I blogged... How does that happen????

Anywho- School is out, and that is a wonderful thing seeing how our dr appts have been changed to EVERY STINKIN MORNING. No joke. Let me explain our current situation.

We had our appt on the 15th and were told that all was well, start the shots the next day. That morning I was nervous and excited to get going, but when "shot time" (which is now a real time used to plan things around) rolled around; I got a little sweaty and shaky. Kev stood and walked me through the entire process (thank God for him and his knowledge of giving shots) of mixing this vial with that, into that one, then change the needle, then let it sit. This particular one sits for 15 minutes to reduce the burning while injecting it. (Reduce mind you, not eliminate)... With all that said, it was not near as bad or scary as I was picturing putting a needle into my stomach. And ever since, it has been smooth sailing,three times daily. Some days they hurt worse than others, some they bleed worse than others, some I have done in the car while Kev drives down the freeway, but mostly, I feel like an experienced junky. We have a lifetime supply of needles lying around our house and alcohol wipes is a normal bathroom toiletry now. It's strange, but our new norm.

The only glitch we have come across is no surprise to anyone; mostly not to my lovely doctor. Goes something like this... On that Friday when I went in, my hormone level was 39 and looked good. The next Tuesday shortly after we left I got a phone call saying that my levels were a little high, as the measured slightly over 800! I was shocked and a little scared. Levels growing this quickly are a first sign of that nasty thing OHSS, (did you Google it yet?) that they were so worried about with me to begin with. Fast forward to today (two days later) and that same hormone level is now 2495!!!! Not good. At all. So high that we run a huge chance of being cancelled on at this point. They are very concerned about my health, especially if I were to get pregnant. So, doses are changing, shots are being swapped for others, appts have been downgraded from every other, to every day, and mine and Kev's guards are up. At this point there is nothing I can physically do to help this to go back to where it should be, however they said I need to start drinking boatloads of liquids asap to try and help myself to not dehydrate from what my ovaries are currently pulling on me.

This obviously is not the news we wanted to hear, and we are both a little scared about it, however, I feel great! I have no symptoms, no side effects except a bruised up tummy, I sleep fine, I'm not gaining weight (yet) and I refuse to let my body decide to change that. We have come too far to stop now, and I will do everything in my power to use mind over matter to get this body in a safe enough place to put those little eggies back inside.

I know all I do is ask for prayers and support, but I know it helps! You are all amazing and appreciated!!! Right now, we are looking at next Tuesday or Wednesday for a retrieval date for all those 30 eggs that are growing like crazy! And if I can do anything about it, it will be smooth sailing until then! Cross your fingers.

Thanks again!!!!!

Big day tomorrow

Tomorrow is a day of mixed emotions... It marks the one year anniversary of our devastating loss, and a day of big tests that my body has to pass in order to continue on with this round of IVF. I am nervous, stressed, worried, anxious, saddened, and will hopefully be too busy to feel the heartbreak that I have been avoiding feeling for the past year.

Luckily, with my morning starting at 5, my dr appt at 7 in Portland, making it to work by 8 to have "camp" for 24 all day, including a hot dog lunch in the classroom, I think I will be so busy and exhausted that I will not even have time to think... I hope.

So if you could... Keep us in your thoughts tomorrow. We would appreciate it as it's kind of a big/tough day for us.