Good-bye 2011!!!

As I sit here thinking about this past year, I couldn't be more happy to be moving forward. Not that everything in our year was bad, but we did definitely experience some things that I would rather move on from.

To summarize our year, it was a year of growing. A lot of growing together, and some of learning about ourselves and changing from that. It has been good for us.

We made new friends this year, friends who have been both amazing support and encouragement, and we have been able to be that same kind of friend to others who also had a less than awesome year. I am finally finding out that sometimes the only thing that can make you feel better is a much needed drink with a good friend who really "gets" you, and lots of laughter! I cherish those moments, and those friends. As much as I love Kevin, we both have made an attempt to go out more, alone, with our own friends. It has been a wonderful change for us.

Our family has remained a huge part of our lives. Some living further anyway than we would like, and some living much closer than we would like. :) (just being honest) We celebrated a wonderful wedding, and love watching others that we care about experience the joy of being married! Also lots of new babies entered the lives of our family members and friends this year, which was equally hard as it was heartwarming to see. Family functions are always better with babies around.

We had to overcome the biggest heartache of our lives thus far, this year. And we came out of it a stronger unit than when it began. I wouldn't wish this something on even my least liked person in all of my life. But I feel so strongly bonded to all the women who can truly relate and share in my pain.

There was a serious bump in my plans when a job I had counted on having, fell through. Another huge let down. I was already feeling so broken, and let me tell you, this didn't help! But again, someone had other plans for us, and I am so amazingly happy they worked out the way they did. School and a full time job wasn't exactly what I had in mind, but it's chugging along just fine! Sometimes I wish I had double the time in a day to devote to being the best teacher I can, but I know my students ARE learning and having fun, so that will just have to work until my Masters is finished (October 1st, 2012)! I have great support at work, and feel like I am constantly growing. Would it have been easier to return to the same classroom, at the same school? Yes, of course. But these situations are the ones that force us to learn and grow. And I am SO thankful to be working!!!

We didn't do a lot of traveling this year, which we are both a little bummed about. Hawaii was beautiful, but next year brings much more for us in that department. I guess if Kev and I had to pick out things that we are truly addicted to it would be coffee, and traveling. There is nothing better in the world to us than being somewhere new, seeing and learning about new cultures with just each other. I can't say from experience, but I would guess it is better than any high. ;)

Some new hobbies have developed here in the O'Neil household this year. The one that I am most proud of is the work my husband has been doing at our local no kill shelter. He volunteers his time there, and is building things that the dogs and the workers desperately needed. His heart makes me smile. What a catch.

One thing we did this year, that we would both tell you we are most proud of is changing our life to vegan. It has been a slow transition, but one that we are so happy about every single day. Kev has had to learn ALL new recipes, and we have both had to be open minded. Surprisingly, our love for animals and ethical treatment of them, has made this transition a piece of cake! (A vegan piece that is). We could both go on for hours about our reasons for this choice, but I won't bore you with that. Now if we could cut sugar out of our lives, the world would be a better place... Anyone have advice on how to go about this? I need help! We make SO many homemade things now, and our bodies feel SO MUCH better!!! I attribute much of our ability to deal with all the changes in our life this year to our eating habits and running. Amazing what clean food, fresh air, and clearing your mind each day does for your life.

Ok if your still with me, and didn't give up from pure boredom. Here is one picture from each month of 2011. A VVEERRYY quick glimpse at our year in review!

We are SO very thankful for our blessings and we wish you all the very, very best in 2012!!!! Cheers to a new chapter in our lives!!!!!

Life is flying by!

Wheewie! Life has changed... A lot.

For those of you who don't know, here is the story of my new job. On October 19th I interviewed for a long term sub job in a second grade classroom in Camas, that was scheduled to be from mid November for the rest of the year. I heard nothing back from them, and assumed I hadn't got the job. Kev and I were both bummed, but decided to just move on to subbing here and there for this year. It was probably better anyways, since I am also going to school to get my Masters and that would just be a lot to take on right now... Then comes Sunday the 30th, when I get a phone call from the principal that I did get the job, and that it starts Monday morning, on Halloween. The girl who I was taking over for had a huge surprise when her baby came early! So, it was kind of a sudden change in life for all of us involved!

Admittedly, it has been a CRAZY three weeks!!! My learning curve has been steep! But I have to honestly say, I have never felt so much support. The staff at my new school has been amazing. I have people showing up in my room daily asking me if they can help me in any way at all. I have yet to have any kind of interaction with any employee at that school that was less than pleasant! My husband has been a total rock. He has picked up the chores around the house that I was doing while not working, he helps me grade papers, organize my room, anything else that comes up. He also has been running with me after school to help me feel ready for a 5K I am doing next month. He is amazing. My mom has not once questioned that I can handle all of this at once. She tells me "you thrive on a full plate Min, this is nothing for you." She has also volunteered her time off to help me get things organized so that I know where everything is. I am blessed with an amazing support system. It has been hard having enough time to even see Kev and the girls, but I try and get homework done while he is at work so that I am able to spend an entire day off doing something fun with him!

Everything else is going great! Kev is taking a break on big projects for a few more weeks, and getting caught up on little things around the house that need his attention. After the holidays he will be working on building cabinets for his beloved garage and tools :)

My little puppies are so sad that I had to go to work. They have to be outside in the freezing cold ALL day long!!! Poor girls. But that will soon come to an end when our good friend Dave moves into our basement while he gets his feet on the ground here in Washington. He is moving here from Wisconsin and will be staying with us for a while. The girls are thrilled, because he spoils them rotten, and lets them love on him all they want :) Kev and I are excited to have him back in the Northwest!  At least my girls are still sporting new collars each month that I squeeze in the time to make to match the season!

With all this change, I am so looking forward to some downtime with my family over the holidays. I cannot wait to decorate for Christmas this week, and feel like life is slowing down a bit! But even in all the craziness, I feel so lucky and greatful to be working!

Fall, fall, fall!

I get in trouble when I haven't posted for a while, (sorry Trav) people start to wonder what is going on with us. But let me assure you, if I'm not posting, that means nothing is happening! :)

I love fall. It is beautiful and reminds me how much I love warm drinks and snuggles on the couch. I like brisk morning walks with my pumpkins, and warm clothes. I would truly miss fall if we lived somewhere that didn't experience it like this.

The last couple of months have FLOWN by. I have been pretty consumed with school. It seems like I live on this computer now days, trying to make sure I stay caught up, but it is going well. I am finishing my first class this Saturday (with a 97%), which means I only have 45 more weeks!!! :) Kev is so supportive of my schooling, which makes it much easier for me to go through. We have kind of decided that this school year will be spent subbing here and there for me. I thought I could work full time and do school, but Kev thinks I may be slightly nicer to be around if I just work part time... I can see his point.

Kevin has been busy as well. He finished our terrible front yard, and then started building us a shed/greenhouse. We have some citrus plants that cannot be left outside during the winter, and I like to try and weather over as many as my other plants as possible, so a greenhouse was something I really wanted. Kev gets so sick of all of our deck furniture and yard stuff being in his garage over the winter while he is trying to work on other projects, so a shed for that stuff was perfect for him! Because of the weather, the work on this project has just been done whenever there is a nice day. As soon as it's painted, I will post pictures because it is the cutest little shed ever!

We celebrated my 27th Birthday this month, which was wonderful. It is however, hard to believe that a year ago we sat in our doctor's office talking about the things we could do to try and help with this whole pregnancy stuff, and here we are, a year later, doing the same thing. The positive news is that we were FINALLY given a fertility doctor, and the process is going to change and skip to some more drastic measures here real soon. They think we have tried enough that we should be able to skip some things and move on. Both Kev and I are feeling so hopeful yet again. It's funny, I read the blogs from a year ago and they sound so similar to what I sit here and write now. If someone had told me we would still be here, a year later, last year, I would have probably ripped their eyes out. And now, I still have new hope, but cannot believe we have made it through as long as we have.

I have more to write about, but I will wait until I am not so tired! Thanks so the people who read this, and tell me how much they enjoy it :) It means a lot to me!

Oh blog, where do I begin?

I have been a really bad blogger. I haven't meant to, in fact I have opened this website a million times this summer... and then closed it again. It just didn't feel like the right time. But lately, I have been forced into doing some re-evaluating of me, and my life, and now it feels right.

So, wwaayyy back in June, Kev and I found out that our 14 month journey had come to an end. We were finally going to be parents! We were beyond elated. I can't even describe the relief and excitement for both of us, and really everyone who is close to us. But a few weeks later I suffered through an extremely painful miscarriage. My world crumbled around me, around both of us really. I have never felt such a dark, horrible place. It was truly awful. BUT our amazingly supportive family and selected friends (who knew about the pregnancy) surrounded us in love, and kind words, and, along with a quick trip to the beach to get us all out of the house, we very very slowly healed. Kevin was so sad, but became the most amazingly strong man I have ever seen. He put his own hurt aside and took such good care of me. It was only after I had started healing (and after the miscarriage appt that was made originally to be the first time we heard our baby's heartbeat) that I decided I needed to find something positive in this horrible experience, and I was able to find so many things that it really became what helped heal my broken heart.

I won't share all of those things, because whoever is reading this is probably already bored, but basically I realized that Kevin and my marriage can withstand anything. I think we so easily begin to take each other for granted and at this moment in my life it was blinding just how truly amazing he is, and we are together. Also the other huge thing I realized was that my friends/co-workers/family are astonishingly amazing. Truly the best. And even though I avoided all of your phone calls for a little while, I did listen to your messages as soon as they came in, and I cried because you are all so thoughtful and caring. I am a lucky, lucky woman. Thank you.

Life moved on. With lots more doctor appointments and more plans and prescriptions for fertility drugs. WE moved on. Together. We were able to spend a wonderful weekend with Kevin's family in Bend celebrating my beautiful sister-in-law's wedding. And we had a blast! It felt good to forget, if only for a weekend. And we celebrated our fourth wedding anniversary, as usual style for Kev and I, doing something terrifying! Things were looking up.

Then comes the end of August... Another really rough time. I found out that I, again, was not pregnant and then later that day-that I had not gotten the job that I was hoping and praying for. It was a bad, bad day. And you know what's funny? It was those same people who got me through earlier this summer, who were again on my team. I can't lie, I am still devastated that I won't be returning to my old school, I will miss everyone terribly, but it was another time where I had to decide to find something bright before it all got too dark to handle.

And so, with my loyal husband (and really dogs too, since we spent a few hours that night sitting on a bench at the dog park drinking coffee, crying, and figuring out life) we decided maybe this happened so that I can have one last time to do other things, like finish school... It only made sense that the next day I applied for Graduate School at Concordia University. Then, the next day, my computer died and we had to go buy a new one so that I could even make the application deadline. Seriously. Anyways, that will start on September 18th, and even though I don't have a job and am investing 20,000 dollars more into my education, I know this is as good as time as ever! I keep telling myself maybe something better will come along, let me just say first- nothing could be better than working as a team with Heather (because I know now, that you read this :)) but maybe it's time to spread my wings and move on to other districts.

Luckily for us, financially we don't depend on my checks. We use them to pay things off and travel on, and with subbing to fall back on, we may still get to do a few trips this year. We are blessed that we don't have the added stress of "what are we going to do" that so many others feel when they don't get a job. And really, with school, subbing will work out perfectly because I don't have to work on days that I have other things to do. So there, see, it did work out the way it was supposed to!

The purpose of writing this isn't to complain, or to make people feel sorry for us, but a way for me to reflect. I have thought so much about myself and the life we live lately, and I am actually thankful for the summer we have had because it makes me want to be better. I want to be "that friend" for my friends who have been there for me, and I want to be the wife that Kev deserves. I want to focus on being a positive, truthful, happy person who is worried about others, and happy for them when something good happens. It is my time to start returning favors and support. And I am glad!

There have been a lot of obstacles thrown out in front of us this last couple of months, and honestly, I never thought I was good at hurdling, but I know one thing, I'm getting better!

I am a planner. To the last detail. Period. But I have learned that sometimes that just doesn't work. A hard, hard lesson for me. Even though I don't know the plans for Kev and I right now, I know whatever they turn out to be, we will be there together, and for that I could not be more thankful!

May Day!

 I just realized that I never blogged my Rahja Maye's 5th birthday! I feel like a bad mommy. We have been so busy lately that I have let things slip a little. SO here goes...

So once again, we decided to do a Humane Society walk to celebrate Rahja's special day, and this time we were able to do the one in Portland that raises money for the shelter that she actually came from, so that was really cool for us. Since she was shelter alumni she also got a cute little alumni bandana (which made Nala a little sad). The weather held up all day and we got to hit up the Saturday market on the way back! 

It was a BUSY 2.5 mile walk, but the girls did amazingly. Even Nala, who is not fond of other dogs, suffered through it for her sister :)

We cherish all the fun things we are able to do with these two little furry loves, because they are such good girls!!!

I love these three!!!

After the walk all of Rahja's friends came over for cupcakes! What a chaotic mess this house was!

Really these birthdays are just a way to get our family together and enjoy our "furry children." I can't imagine what life would be like without having a dog around!

Life keeps movin on...

Once again, it's been a long time since I blogged. I just feel like, even though time has moved on, nothing has really "blogworthy" has happened in our lives.

As you already know, Kev and I spent a week in Maui during spring break, and were able to just do whatever we wanted, whenever we wanted, and sit all day at the beach in the sunshine if we wanted, without thinking about "things." :) Kevin even talked me into taking surfing lessons with him while we were there, which I was truly terrified of doing, but ended up loving it! It was an amazing time (like all of our trips) and is somewhere we will go again for sure. In fact we came home and signed up to do a house swap this winter, but after much talk with the other family, they would have rather we left our dogs home and we are just not willing to do that for two and a half months.

Although we would love to be jetting off to Europe again this summer, we have decided to stay home and dedicate our summer to gardening in our beautiful yard. Kevin's hard work pays off daily, when we walk out onto our deck and glance down into our amazing yard! We cannot wait to have fresh fruits, veggies and eggs, and to have bbqs with friends, neighbors and family all summer-without being totally embarrassed of the yard. I am reminded, once again, how great my husband is.

School is coming to an end, which both saddens, and excites me. I love the job that I have had this year! The kids are wonderful, my teaching partner is amazing, and part-time work is fantastic!!! Plus, jobs for next year are looking VERY scarce. I hate being in limbo and not knowing about the next school year, but it's something I am going to have to get used to for the next couple of years. However, school being over HAS to mean that sunshine is coming!!! (Please, please, please)

And let's see... We, (Kev, our Dr. and myself) have decided to stop just "waiting" for things to happen, and she has referred us to a specialist. We are feeling really hopeful (once again) and excited to have something new to try! Thank you again for those continued prayers and positive thoughts, we feel them, we really do.

This time of year is my favorite! Makes people feel positive and hopeful. Which is something I can always use in my life. 

So... if it's a sunny day, and you find yourselves our way, stop by and have a drink on the deck with us! That is what we love about the sun!

If we had no winter, the spring would not be so pleasant; if we did not sometimes taste of adversity, prosperity would not be so welcome.  ~Anne Bradstreet

Dear Kevin....

You're a falling star, you're the get away car.

You're the line in the sand when I go too far.

You're the swimming pool, on an August day.

And you're the perfect thing to say.

And you play it coy but it's kinda cute.

Ah, when you smile at me you know exactly what you do.

Baby don't pretend that you don't know it's true.

'cause you can see it when I look at you.

And in this crazy life, and through these crazy times

It's you, it's you, you make me sing.

You're every line, you're every word, you're everything.

You're a carousel, you're a wishing well,

And you light me up, when you ring my bell.

You're a mystery, you're from outer space,

You're every minute of my everyday.

And I can't believe, uh that I'm your woman,

And I get to kiss you baby just because I can.

Whatever comes our way, ah we'll see it through,

And you know that's what our love can do.

So, la, la, la, la, la, la, la

So, la, la, la, la, la, la, la

And in this crazy life, and through these crazy times

It's you, it's you, you make me sing.

You're every line, you're every word, you're everything.

You're every song, and I sing along.

'Cause you're my everything.

February- Dave's Visit

What a crazy busy month we have had... But it sure has been a fun one!

Our good friend Dave came out from Wisconsin and spent two weeks spoiling our girls rotten :) We tried to do lots of fun stuff and stay busy while he visited, so here are a couple of our adventures...

 Celebrating Nala's 3rd birthday. She was so 

happy Dave was here to give her extra treats!

Spent some time just lounging... Girls are not normally on the couch, but this was an exception :)

Spent an amazingly beautiful Saturday at the beach! (After a rather frightening drive over the mountains to get there)

It was such a treat to spend the day in the sunshine!!!! 

We made sure and took the time to just sit and soak it all in too!

 Kev and his mom took up a new hobby of roasting their own coffee beans, and were able to treat Dave and myself to some extra delicious coffee!!!! 

We also spent a beautiful weekday walking around Portland (thank goodness once again for me being able to work part time), drinking Stumptown coffee, trying new restaurants, time at both Kev and my families for dinners, and having a birthday dinner for Dave at a new place! Not to mention he and Kev came up for lunch one Friday while I was at work and were lucky enough to meet all my 26 little cherubs :)

This morning Kev and Dave took off in our old neighbors' car (they moved to Wisconsin last month and Kev is driving their car and a load of things to them and flying home) headed across the US. Even that became more exciting than planned when we woke up to this...

Although busy, it has been so much fun getting to spend time with good friends, family, and getting to enjoy the place we live and take so for granted. Now I will sit and worry for five days, until I pick that handsome husband of mine up at the airport and know that he is home safe. :) However, we will miss Dave, ESPECIALLY my little girls who he is SO good to, and will be excited for another visit from him!

THANKS FOR ALL THE FUN, DAVE!!!

Turn on your speakers!

Cuz I just added music to my blog for your reading pleasure :)

Life...

Life here at the O'Neil house has been, in some aspects slowing down, and in others, busier than ever!

I am working part time and LOVING IT!!! I work with an amazing teacher/friend who I have total respect for, and am able to communicate (daily) with. We are both very organized, and both have high expectations for our students, which makes it easier for us to work side by side. I am able to be an excited, well rested, teacher each week, with only working 2 or 3 days a week. I also think my students love getting to switch teachers, and it keeps them from getting so bored with me :)
Kevin and I have been so blessed during this time by getting to spend so much time together! He only works 2-3 days a week also, so we get to be together at least five days a week. It has been really, really, nice. We have been able to get so much done around our house, and couldn't be more excited for spring time so we can start our garden, and get our chickens out in their newly finished condo.

We also have a dear friend coming to stay in a few days, and are so excited about that! But, we did have to say goodbye to our dear neighbors, as they moved home to Wisconsin last week to be with family. We are so saddened by losing them, but know that there is nothing better than having your parents near where you live!

We also have received more test results dealing with our fertility. The last results showed that I had no sign of ovulating, and my doctor was going to put in an order for Clomid, but I had been using an at home ovulation kit and think that it is just happening much later than we all had been calculating. So, more blood tests coming this week, and one more set of results before we do start on the Clomid. Please cross your fingers that this has been the issue all along, as going on this fertility drug may make for a bumpy ride in our home! :)

The sun is shining, we have so many exciting things planned this month, I get to live the life of a part time employee, all while spending time with the love of my life. Life is sweet. Even though things that we both want to badly have not been solved, we feel like there is a ray of hope at this time. Cherish this day, and don't think of tomorrow!

Oh and happy almost third birthday to my little puppy Nala Jaye!!!! I love you!!!

You knew I couldn't get through an entire post without mention of these little girls :)

Ta-ta!

Struggles

I have not been blogging for one reason... I don't have the thing that I so badly want to be blogging about. 


For many, many months Kevin and I have been keeping a big secret from almost everyone we know. I have been ashamed and embarrassed and felt pretty much alone. As I was reading someone else's blog this morning I realized, I need this; I need to have a place to talk and vent my troubles, to sort through my thoughts and to hopefully gain support and strength. 


Since April of last year Kev and I have been trying to get pregnant. I went about it kind of like this: 
I will go off birth control in April. I will get pregnant in Aug or Sept. I will have a baby right near the last weeks of school. I will have all summer off with my new little bundle of joy, then go back to work.
Well... The only part of this plan that seemed to go correctly was the stopping birth control in April.


I didn't worry for a long time. Not until about November did it become something that started to consume me. I think this is because around November EVERYONE I KNOW (and I am honestly not exaggerating) was either announcing pregnancy or new babies. This became a really hard thing to listen to, when I knew that we have been secretly trying for months and were getting nothing. I started to worry that maybe something was wrong, and insisted that we go get everything checked out. My husband, being the amazing man that he is, went right along with this plan, and we spent Thanksgiving break being poked and prodded and delivering "things" to be tested :) In fact I drove to the doctors on Thanksgiving morning to make a drop off for testing. All of this being done with only a selected few (maybe three) of my friends knowing. I just felt too ashamed to tell anyone in our families yet. Once we received the results though, my feelings changed.


A few days after our tests we got a letter with the results, asking us to come in for an appointment. I was excited and terrified. We found out that everything with Kev was totally fine, but a few tests of mine made our dr (who is a wonderfully warm woman) believe that I wasn't ovulating. I was distraught at hearing this because of the struggles one of our friends had recently had due to this same issue, and I just couldn't keep it to myself anymore. I had to share all of this with the one person (besides Kev) that I tell everything too, because it was simply too much to keep in anymore. We made the choice to share the information with my mom, even though I wanted more than anything to surprise her with a pregnancy announcement, I now knew this was going to be a much longer road than we once thought. 


I am not sharing to receive sympathy, because through this journey you would not believe some of the stories I have heard from other women, but I am sharing just to share. I feel like I have been hiding information, or keeping too many secrets. I hope that more of you can shed light on our situation, and share with me your stories so that this becomes an even less alone of a feeling. The one thing I request that no one says to me is "just relax and don't think about it and it will happen" this is a VERY annoying thing to hear when you have a biological clock ticking so loudly that you can't seem to hear anything else. Women who have been through this and can relate know, there is simply no way to not think about it, and the women who have not experienced having to truly want and WAIT for a baby simply cannot relate to the feeling. 


I don't want this to become my identity, but it is something that is beginning to be a part of who I am, and when I hear of someone else who is going though or has been through this, I automatically feel bonded. I want to shed light for others that is it nothing to feel ashamed of, and that once talked about maybe I will feel less pressure and less like I have too much locked up inside. 


More tests this month, and maybe more answers next month... As I sit here typing I am still not sure that I want to publish this for anyone to see, but it feels good to write about it. I realize while reading some friends of mine's blogs that things could be much worse, I could be losing a child, or dealing with a sick spouse, and I have neither of those things to worry about. This is something that I am trying to look at as a speedbump, and not a road block. It is taking us more time than expected, but I know in the end the joy will be unlike anything either of us has experienced. I can't wait to share the news with all of you that the wait is over... someday. 


Oh and for those of you who have been such an amazing support system until this point... Keeping it secret from anyone else, and letting me talk about it until you probably cannot stand to hear one more thing- You are greatly appreciated. Really. You have been my sanity. And probably Kevin's too, as then we can talk about other things together :)
Some of you even brave asking me about it... To which you probably get more than you wanted as a response. Thank you again.

"A friend is someone who is there for you when she'd rather be anywhere else." 

- Len Wein