Reflection

As I lay here in my new normal of sleeplessness, I find myself reflecting on the life that we currently know as ours... I am up typing, in the middle of the night, in a dead silent, perfectly cleaned and put together house. This is not going to be my life, our lives, anymore in a few short months.

When I think of all of the ways Kevin and my life together is going to change, I have mixed emotions. Sure, we simply cannot wait to meet Kilian and begin our lives as a family, our lives as parents that we have so desperately wanted for so many years, but a tiny bit of me is saddened too.

Kevin and I have such a system in our marriage and the way we run this house. We drop everything at the chance to travel anywhere together, and we see eye to eye for our future. We devote time every day to being good pet owners and we "tuck in" and kiss ours girls goodnight every single night while they lay on their beds smooching on them. We wake up early on days that the sun is shining and make the trek down the big hill to Safeway to buy coffees and sit outside people watching before heading back up the hill. We have common hobbies. We like having a clean, organized, matching house. And we value time spent with family/friends/neighbors.

As I was thinking about all of these things, I can't help but wonder how many of them are going to have to change in three months? I can't stand to think that our girls will feel neglected. Or that we won't be able to travel anymore. I hate that I have been told by everyone that our house will no longer look the way it does. But most of all, I am devastated to think that Kevin and I may not sit and talk the way we do. That my relationship with my best friend is going to change. Does it have to? Will it be for the better?

I am asking that our friends and family help us to remember who we have been the last 5.5 years of marriage. When we lose track of each other and our relationship because our day-to-day is too crazy, I need a reminder that that is simply not ok. I know loving Kilian will be easy, but I mustn't forget that before he was here, loving Kev was my job, and it was my favorite thing about my life. We need to remain each other's best friends and our communication has to be key.

I think we will be able to remember these things... I hope, but I am still scared. I talked to Kev about this the other night and he responded to me "Babe, I have no fears about our new life. I could not be more excited and ready for the changes to come for us."

See why I love him? He is my rock. And I never want "us" to change.

Baby Love...

It truly touches my heart to see how many people already love our little Kilian.

 

When people pick up gifts on vacations for him, or see something that looks just like something we would wear/love it makes my heart feel warm and fuzzy. My amazing friends/family that are willing to throw me baby showers, or even just attend them, shows what a great support system we have. Even the simple "I cannot wait to meet him!" coming from someone who isn't even our family just blows my mind.

 

Our road has been long and I have always wanted to make sure that we share him with all the people who have been a part of this journey. I finally feel like we might actually be able to do that. And I could not be happier nor feel more fulfilled knowing that others love him and are as excited as we are about him being a part of our family. What better gift can we give our child than a huge group of family and friends who genuinely care for him and will be there for him?

 

We are lucky. And so is Kilian.

November

For some reason, I have not been too great about keeping up on my blog, however I'm not really sure what my excuse is...

We have been busy, but without me working full time it seems as though I should have time for everything to get done. Somehow, I don't.

November started off a little scary for us, with some preterm labor scares that ended up being an infection that was easily taken care of (no thanks to a three and a half hour trip to urgency care one Sunday). I was put on restrictions for about a week, and then everything seemed to go back to normal. Thank you Lord, for that!!! I am blessed enough that during this time, I could sit around my house all day, and make dr appt at any time of the day because I didn't have to worry about going to work. That has been such a relief. Now that things are ok, I will get back in the swing of things!

A few weeks later, my mom had to undergo a serious surgery. This has been something that I have dreaded and avoided talking much about for the last six months. I couldn't stand to give it thought. She had a tumor in her neck, that they were concerned had connected itself to all of the things in her neck that they did not want to have to cut through. Until they got in, they had no idea how bad it would really be. As it turned out, it was best case scenario all the way around, and they ended up not having to cut through any of it. My mom is honestly the toughest person I know, and was able to go home less than 24 hours after surgery even though they thought she would not leave faster than four days. Kev and I have been hanging out at her house, trying to help her out, but her recovery has been kind of a breeze for her. What a total blessing for our entire family. And a HUGE relief!!!!! It was also so comforting to see how many people love and supported her through this process. Thank you all for that!

As far as our normal life, Kev and I have just been doing as much as possible to prepare for this little baby to show up in a few short months. We have been working like crazy in the nursery, painting, decorating, and building and crafting things to be just perfect. Kevin made an adorable book shelf, then we made a lamp to match the bedding, and a dog bed to match the bedding for Rahja to sleep in. She is so cute, sneaking down the hall nightly to check the nursery for her baby brother. Once she is actually able to find a baby in there we know it may be difficult to ever get her out of that room. That's why we created a spot just for her in there. Nala has no interest in hanging out in there so we figured she wouldn't need one :) Here is a picture of the bookshelf, the lamp, and the bed...

Kev also repainted that little bear piggy bank to match the room. It was given to him from his grandmother for his first Christmas and we cherish the fact that now it will be passed on to his son.

 

 

 

With this upcoming holiday upon us, which by the way we are so excited to spend with family, I think of all the things I have to be thankful for this year (no, I will not bore you with that list) and I can honestly say that I have never had a list this long in my life. It has been a challenging but amazing year for us, and we will take the time to give thanks for those things on Thursday as well as every other day!

 

Snips, snails and puppy dog tails.

As I'm sure you've all seen by now, but we are having a little boy!!!!! We could not be more excited to get started on everything that is a baby boy... But here is how we decided to find out.

On Tuesday, the 16th we had our anatomy ultrasound. We asked her to not tell us the gender during this appt., so when she went between the legs, she had us turn our heads and she printed off the pictures and put them in a sealed envelope. On the way home from our appt we met our photographer and passed off the top secret envelope.

Wednesday, the 17th, (my b-day) we met our photographer at the gazebo where the secret box was. We closed our eyes and opened them only as we opened the box revealing the blue balloons, all as she snapped away!!! Here are a couple of proofs from that day...

To say we were shocked is an understatement. Although looking back, I'm not sure why. From the beginning we both thought boy. When we saw the 12 week ultrasound it looked just like a little Kevin. But somewhere around 14 or 15 weeks I changed my mind and was SO sure it was a girl. I thought my body was totally telling me. Even when I saw that little baby on our 18 week ultrasound and he was laying with one arm over his head (JUST like Kevin sleeps every single night) and one leg kicked up on the side of my uterus just hanging out, it didn't hit me that I was looking at an 8 ounce version of my husband. Looking back, I should have known!

It took us a little while to wrap our minds around the fact that it was a boy because I had convinced us both that it was a girl, but by Friday night, when we presented my mom with the picture of us opening the box, we had completely gotten into the boy mindset :) Our parents had no idea we were doing this, or even that we knew yet, so it was a fun little surprise for them as well!

Also, in case you were wondering, our girls are thrilled with this news!!!! Rahja now has a constant playmate who does not have to leave every third day for work, and Nala can still by my baby girl. They both got what they wanted :)

Now, if only we could speed up these next 4.5 months so we can hold him and see him in real life!!!! We have all these emotions and ideals about what life is going to be like with this little guy, and we can't wait to get it all started!

It's... October?!?!?!

Where has the time gone?!?! Life around here has been flying by for all of us. Here's a little update...

We have set some financial goals that we want to accomplish by the time that Gummy Bear gets here, and because of those Kevin has been working his tail off. I literally see him for a few hours in the evenings, and that's about it. He spent over 70 hours painting someone's house for them, then painted their shed, is now painting their kids' shed, and then is painting a railing at someone else's house, only to go back and do more work for the first people. He cannot get enough time in the day. And although it has been a blessing to us for making extra money, I absolutely hate how much he has been gone. There are always things around here that need done too and I try to get them done for him as much as possible but some things are just "Kevin jobs," He never even complains (which I think he deserves to do) and me and the girls could not be more thankful for him and his work ethic.

We did however, talk him into taking a day off so we could drive to the beach for the day and it was so worth it! Going to Cannon Beach has always been our little mind clear, and the place we go to refocus on our family. The girls ADORE going there-as Rahja cries for the last 20 minutes of the drive every time. Kevin and I love to sit in the sand and laugh at their sheer happiness all day.

 

We were so excited to tell Gummy Bear that this is "our place" and how much he/she will love going there on sunny days off. Just like the girls do!

 

This trip was a little different for us because as we sat there with our girls we realized that this would probably be our last time there without Gummy in our lives. We usually go in October and then not again until the spring. By spring, Gummy will be here. As exciting as that is, part of us realized at that moment just how different life would be. We have had five years of this version of "life" and it is going to be different for us to include someone else in our little pack of four. However, we are sure that Gummy will soon become our new leader :)

 

 

As far as my life goes, I have been subbing whenever people ask me, and I tutor four kiddos a week. It is nice to feel like I have all this new found freedom, but I would rather be enjoying it with Kev. With my Masters behind me and no full time job, much of my time is spent thinking about and preparing for a life with Gummy. Unfortunately I have started a new sleeping routine of being awake from 2 until about 5 each night so it has been really nice to be able to take mornings slowly.

 

Although I am not as busy as I like to be, I am looking at this time as a total blessing because I am getting to spend so much time with my girls, getting things done around my house, and Kev- when he's around, all things that I know might change in five short months. We try to go on walks every night that Kev is home, where Kevin and I can talk, plan and dream about our future together. We are lucky.

 

So if you haven't seen much of us, it's because we haven't had a whole lot of "us" lately. Things will slow down soon, once this weather turns to rain! This is going to be an exciting month for us so hopefully it all gets here soon!

In the meantime, I need to go make cookies for my hubby, and a second batch for my babies.

 

Until next time!!!!

Remembrance

Today, September 11th, we fly a flag on our porch to remember this horrible day and the way our country was able to rally together to rebuild a devastated nation. For the families who lost loved ones on this day, and those of us who simply watched it on the television a nation away, it is a day none of us will ever forget. My fears on that day were my family members in the armed forces (Dad, Brother, Cousins) but my fears now days are that my husband, the rock of my world, or any of the other amazing families with PF&R, would ever have to face a day like the one those NYFD men/women faced 11 years ago. I know that the pain is not over for those families who have loved ones fighting across seas, and I wish they could all just be home, where they belong.

As we try to be patriotic, we sometimes aren't all that great at it. This day is always something I take the time to teach about in my classrooms; however our home sometimes lacks the acknowledgement of days like today. This year, however is different. We bought ourselves a flag... But not just any flag. This flag has special meaning to both of us, because it is a flag that was bought at Pearl Harbor in Hawaii this year. It was flow over the site of the USS Arizona on the anniversary of the attack on Pearl Harbor and then packaged up to sell. That was neat in itself. What makes it even more special to us, was that when Kevin's parents went to Hawaii, while his mom was pregnant with him, they bought one of these same flags that still flies at their house. Now our flag was from when Kevin was in Hawaii with his pregnant wife. Isn't that fun??? Especially because I think it's a boy too. :)

Anywho, this is a day in which to be thankful, and I for one, have a lot of things to be thankful for!!!!

From the beginning

Here are some pictures of Gummy Bear, starting from five days old...

 

First ultrasound... Five weeks

First sound of Gummy's heartbeat!!!! 7.5 weeks

9.5 weeks

AND now... 11.5 weeks

 

 

 

Crazy how much Gummy has changed SO quickly huh???