Reflection

As I lay here in my new normal of sleeplessness, I find myself reflecting on the life that we currently know as ours... I am up typing, in the middle of the night, in a dead silent, perfectly cleaned and put together house. This is not going to be my life, our lives, anymore in a few short months.

When I think of all of the ways Kevin and my life together is going to change, I have mixed emotions. Sure, we simply cannot wait to meet Kilian and begin our lives as a family, our lives as parents that we have so desperately wanted for so many years, but a tiny bit of me is saddened too.

Kevin and I have such a system in our marriage and the way we run this house. We drop everything at the chance to travel anywhere together, and we see eye to eye for our future. We devote time every day to being good pet owners and we "tuck in" and kiss ours girls goodnight every single night while they lay on their beds smooching on them. We wake up early on days that the sun is shining and make the trek down the big hill to Safeway to buy coffees and sit outside people watching before heading back up the hill. We have common hobbies. We like having a clean, organized, matching house. And we value time spent with family/friends/neighbors.

As I was thinking about all of these things, I can't help but wonder how many of them are going to have to change in three months? I can't stand to think that our girls will feel neglected. Or that we won't be able to travel anymore. I hate that I have been told by everyone that our house will no longer look the way it does. But most of all, I am devastated to think that Kevin and I may not sit and talk the way we do. That my relationship with my best friend is going to change. Does it have to? Will it be for the better?

I am asking that our friends and family help us to remember who we have been the last 5.5 years of marriage. When we lose track of each other and our relationship because our day-to-day is too crazy, I need a reminder that that is simply not ok. I know loving Kilian will be easy, but I mustn't forget that before he was here, loving Kev was my job, and it was my favorite thing about my life. We need to remain each other's best friends and our communication has to be key.

I think we will be able to remember these things... I hope, but I am still scared. I talked to Kev about this the other night and he responded to me "Babe, I have no fears about our new life. I could not be more excited and ready for the changes to come for us."

See why I love him? He is my rock. And I never want "us" to change.