From the beginning

Here are some pictures of Gummy Bear, starting from five days old...

 

First ultrasound... Five weeks

First sound of Gummy's heartbeat!!!! 7.5 weeks

9.5 weeks

AND now... 11.5 weeks

 

 

 

Crazy how much Gummy has changed SO quickly huh???



Oh Gummy Bear....

All the heartache, was worth it.

All the 5:00 dr. appts to make it to work on time, worth it.

All the pain-both physical and emotional, worth it.

All the money, worth it.

All the determination that this would be our answer, worth it.

This baby is a lot of hard work, and strength,

but mostly an abundance of love.

 



I have wanted to blog since sharing our good news, but I really wanted to include all of our ultrasound pictures which I am still too lazy to scan into my computer. Finally I decided to just do it without them, I love my blog family too much to continue putting it off.

 

By now, I am sure you have read the news and seen our latest ultrasound picture... IVF WORKED!!!!! But let me assure you, even after knowing it worked, it has not been an easy road.

 

We found out on the way to the beach on July 10th, via phone call from ORM (Oregon Reproductive Clinic) that I had a positive pregnancy blood test that morning. I was in complete disbelief. It just sounded too good to be true, and after what we had been through on a previous pregnancy, I went directly from excitement to horrible fear. Fear of another loss, and another one of the biggest heartaches of my life. I tried to push it to the back of my mind, but this time was even more difficult seeing how there was also a mighty large price tag on this little thing, and I knew losing it would hurt even that much more.

In the midst of all of this, I started bleeding and cramping pretty badly. To the point where I thought it was all over with. I showed up at ORM on Monday morning, tears in eyes, and told them they needed to test everything because I thought I was losing the baby. They hastily went into action taking blood and called me shortly after to let me know that my HCG showed I wasn't losing the baby... Yet. They put me on some MORE magic progesterone and scheduled our first ultrasound a few days later to check for a sac with the beginnings of a baby in it. To say I was terrified is an understatement. It was a relief to see that little sac, but I knew we were far from out of the woods.

A little over two weeks later we went back to see if we could find a healthy heartbeat. If I thought the last appt was nerve wracking, I was wrong, because this one took the cake. I actually called and moved it back, trying to avoid hearing bad news. I sat in the waiting room begging Kevin to take me home, and went into the room shaking. A few minutes (which felt like hours) later the doctor had a little picture of the cutest gummy bear in history on the screen, and we heard the most beautiful sound in the world, Gummy Bear's strong heartbeat. Easily the best moment of my life thus far. Kevin and I both broke down into tears thinking that this journey just might actually bring our happy ending. With that little sound of a train chugging away, we were smitten. Still terrified, but feeling a little better to send us off to Hawaii. Peace of mind was something we desperately needed.

Once we were home it was one more ultrasound at ORM (to which I actually felt a little excited for, if you can believe that) and once again the sound of that little Gummy Bear. This time the heart rate had increase to 176 beats per minute and little Gummy Bear was dancing around like a happy little baby. This would be the appt we were told that we were ready to return to Kaiser... A scary, scary, sentence for us to hear. Sure, Kaiser is free, which would be nice, however these people were our lifeline. They created this baby in a dish, raised it for five days, put it back where it belonged, and saved us from losing it at 5 weeks. We did not want to leave the safety and comfort we had established with them.

Alas, that brings us to this week, and our first appt at Kaiser. It was strange, not cutting a 500 dollar check at the end, and I didn't feel as trusting in their care, but Gummy Bear was once again given a healthy, dancing, bill of health :)

We know we are not out of the woods yet, believe me. But 10.5 weeks feels good. I am staring down the second trimester, which I always dreamed of reaching. I have felt pretty good, a little sick in the evenings or if I let my tummy get empty, but no puking. I was recently told that after two months now of doing no physical activity, I could start walking again, so Kevin and I kicked it off with a four mile walk with our first loves at Lacamas Lake. It feels good to move again, and hopefully walk off some of these Dots Doughnuts, french fries, and ice cream. So far, I have been able to nap whenever I need to, and take it pretty easy, which I feel so lucky for.

Mostly, I feel blessed. Kevin and I cannot believe the love that already surrounds this little baby. The support system we have, and the excitement people are sharing with us is incredible. We have no fears about being parents, not one. We are just naively so overjoyed with the tasks that will face us in six short months. I wake up at night thinking "gosh Gummy Bear, how am I ever going to wait 6 more months for you?!?!"

We are ready.

Ready to be parents together.

Mosty, ready to share this baby which has been such a labor of love with the rest of our amazing support system!

 



Isn't summer meant to be relaxing?

So one thing I never thought of was how I would take my blog that I used to chart my IVF experience and turn it back into a normal blog. I know you guys are still checking it, and I feel guilty that I have left you completely hanging, however I am not quite ready to talk about it... Yet.

So, on we push. Our summer has been CRAZY (which maybe has been a gift because it has given us less time to sit around and think about things) but I am ready for a break from all that!!! This week I am teaching a summer school for two hours a day, and it is really nice to see some of my kiddos, but it has kept me busy planning, shopping, and making sure I have everything to entertain for two hours. The money is nice though!

Kev has been putting in extra work as well, because in a few weeks we leave for Kauai!!!! We simply cannot wait to sit on a warm beach and do nothing but soak in the sunshine and the ocean breeze. We are going with my family, and rented a house right on the beach, so it should be a blast!!!! Might try our hands at surfing again, and definitely will be doing some paddle boarding. I simply cannot wait to take a break from life for a whole week!!!! (Except I will still be in school, so I have to take my computer and do homework while we are there... yuck)

So that's what we have been up to lately... Working, working in our yard, running errands, going to appts, and trying to take a little time to do nothing IF we can fit it in.
Thank you for continuing to check in on us!!! Your support is greatly appreciated!!!!

Just hanging...

Hello my lovely little blog family! Oh, how I have grown so attached to those of you who read this and then inspire and uplift me. And, I am thankful for a place to pour my thoughts and life happenings.

Nothin new around these parts. Kev and I are just trying to stay busy and pass our time looking out to our dr. appt. Nothing feels different to me... So that is somewhat bothering me. But, we are coming to terms with the possibility of having to start (and pay for) round two. Sure, I would love to take that money and pay off part of my student loans, but we both agree that this is where we want to spend it. We want one more try. If needed, that is. We have plans to get out of town after the results (either way) just in case. Running away from problems always seems to make them smaller once you return :).

I know that you are all faithfully checking back, and I appreciate that! Nothing has really changed, and time is passing slowly! Thank you for your thoughts!!!!

Bed Rest (BLAH)

So... Day 2 of bed rest continues... And it's terrible. It would be one thing to feel sick, but I am totally fine so it is just plain annoying. My husband is taking it VERY seriously and will not allow me to do ANYTHING. Although, the time has not been all terrible.

My family is amazing and along with my husband surprised me when we got home yesterday with some things to spruce up the basement and help pass my time. It looked so sweet with plants and balloons that I automatically started crying. The basement is usually not where we spend a lot of time, so being trapped down here for two days was not something we were super excited about, however with a huge comfy couch, the tv, a bathroom, and a spare bedroom for night, it made sense for me to make camp down here. The little added "comforts" made it all the better! :) Thanks Mama, John, and of course my most favorite nurse, Kev.

My friends (knowing as much as my family that I am NO good at sitting around) have also been amazing. Either entertaining me on Facebook, bringing me goodies to eat, sending me well wishes via text, or just bringing their kiddos over to entertain me, they have been a real blessing! Thank you so much to those of you who contacted me for well wishes yesterday as well. I know I've said it a million times before but your support is so appreciated and does not go unnoticed. Laurel, Marlana, Heather, Erin Z, Colleen, Karen, Whitt, and Ash, you are true gems and I am lucky and thankful to have you vested in this journey with me.

We did get the tough news this morning that our remaining two eggs did not grow enough to be frozen today... So that means we have no backup if this doesn't take. Again, a moment where Kev and I both needed to take the time to be really bummed and scared, then move on. There is nothing we can do about that, and if worse comes to worse we will just start this road over again. Not our first choice, but we will push on because that's what we do well together.

So now we wait... And to be honest with you all... I will probably not update on here when we find out if this was a success or not. I feel like so many of you deserve to know as soon as we do, but with our past loss, I don't feel comfortable with the rest of the people who peek at this blog to know that early on. So please do not feel badly if you don't see it on here, I'm sure I will contact most of you personally with the news- either way.

Thank you again!!!! And please continue to keep us in your thoughts these next two weeks!!! It is going to be a LONG wait! Although after the choreographed dance routine Kevin and Rahja just performed for me, maybe it won't be so bad :)

The big day!!!!

So it's all over (for now)!!!!! We went in today and found out that four of our seven eggs had made it and that two of them were what the embryologist called "very pretty". To say we were relieved is an understatement. Would we have liked to have all seven? Of course! But we were so happy to just hear we had some that were good enough to use this morning! The process went without hitch (besides having to pee in a bedpan for the first time in my life) and my enlarged ovaries are on the road to recovery, so now I am on bed rest until Tuesday morning. Cannot even sit up more than 45 degree angle. This is probably going to kill me because I don't feel sick and I am not very good at sitting around.

Here are a few pics from today... I will post again tomorrow as I have more on my mind, but this at least updates those of you waiting to hear!
Me before going in..

Kev doing his job...

And a picture of me with our babies that they put in! Yes, these are the actual ones that they put in today!

Average Day

Just a picture of my med calendar on a normal day... And this is even post shots.