Oh Gummy Bear....

All the heartache, was worth it.

All the 5:00 dr. appts to make it to work on time, worth it.

All the pain-both physical and emotional, worth it.

All the money, worth it.

All the determination that this would be our answer, worth it.

This baby is a lot of hard work, and strength,

but mostly an abundance of love.

 



I have wanted to blog since sharing our good news, but I really wanted to include all of our ultrasound pictures which I am still too lazy to scan into my computer. Finally I decided to just do it without them, I love my blog family too much to continue putting it off.

 

By now, I am sure you have read the news and seen our latest ultrasound picture... IVF WORKED!!!!! But let me assure you, even after knowing it worked, it has not been an easy road.

 

We found out on the way to the beach on July 10th, via phone call from ORM (Oregon Reproductive Clinic) that I had a positive pregnancy blood test that morning. I was in complete disbelief. It just sounded too good to be true, and after what we had been through on a previous pregnancy, I went directly from excitement to horrible fear. Fear of another loss, and another one of the biggest heartaches of my life. I tried to push it to the back of my mind, but this time was even more difficult seeing how there was also a mighty large price tag on this little thing, and I knew losing it would hurt even that much more.

In the midst of all of this, I started bleeding and cramping pretty badly. To the point where I thought it was all over with. I showed up at ORM on Monday morning, tears in eyes, and told them they needed to test everything because I thought I was losing the baby. They hastily went into action taking blood and called me shortly after to let me know that my HCG showed I wasn't losing the baby... Yet. They put me on some MORE magic progesterone and scheduled our first ultrasound a few days later to check for a sac with the beginnings of a baby in it. To say I was terrified is an understatement. It was a relief to see that little sac, but I knew we were far from out of the woods.

A little over two weeks later we went back to see if we could find a healthy heartbeat. If I thought the last appt was nerve wracking, I was wrong, because this one took the cake. I actually called and moved it back, trying to avoid hearing bad news. I sat in the waiting room begging Kevin to take me home, and went into the room shaking. A few minutes (which felt like hours) later the doctor had a little picture of the cutest gummy bear in history on the screen, and we heard the most beautiful sound in the world, Gummy Bear's strong heartbeat. Easily the best moment of my life thus far. Kevin and I both broke down into tears thinking that this journey just might actually bring our happy ending. With that little sound of a train chugging away, we were smitten. Still terrified, but feeling a little better to send us off to Hawaii. Peace of mind was something we desperately needed.

Once we were home it was one more ultrasound at ORM (to which I actually felt a little excited for, if you can believe that) and once again the sound of that little Gummy Bear. This time the heart rate had increase to 176 beats per minute and little Gummy Bear was dancing around like a happy little baby. This would be the appt we were told that we were ready to return to Kaiser... A scary, scary, sentence for us to hear. Sure, Kaiser is free, which would be nice, however these people were our lifeline. They created this baby in a dish, raised it for five days, put it back where it belonged, and saved us from losing it at 5 weeks. We did not want to leave the safety and comfort we had established with them.

Alas, that brings us to this week, and our first appt at Kaiser. It was strange, not cutting a 500 dollar check at the end, and I didn't feel as trusting in their care, but Gummy Bear was once again given a healthy, dancing, bill of health :)

We know we are not out of the woods yet, believe me. But 10.5 weeks feels good. I am staring down the second trimester, which I always dreamed of reaching. I have felt pretty good, a little sick in the evenings or if I let my tummy get empty, but no puking. I was recently told that after two months now of doing no physical activity, I could start walking again, so Kevin and I kicked it off with a four mile walk with our first loves at Lacamas Lake. It feels good to move again, and hopefully walk off some of these Dots Doughnuts, french fries, and ice cream. So far, I have been able to nap whenever I need to, and take it pretty easy, which I feel so lucky for.

Mostly, I feel blessed. Kevin and I cannot believe the love that already surrounds this little baby. The support system we have, and the excitement people are sharing with us is incredible. We have no fears about being parents, not one. We are just naively so overjoyed with the tasks that will face us in six short months. I wake up at night thinking "gosh Gummy Bear, how am I ever going to wait 6 more months for you?!?!"

We are ready.

Ready to be parents together.

Mosty, ready to share this baby which has been such a labor of love with the rest of our amazing support system!