Bed Rest (BLAH)

So... Day 2 of bed rest continues... And it's terrible. It would be one thing to feel sick, but I am totally fine so it is just plain annoying. My husband is taking it VERY seriously and will not allow me to do ANYTHING. Although, the time has not been all terrible.

My family is amazing and along with my husband surprised me when we got home yesterday with some things to spruce up the basement and help pass my time. It looked so sweet with plants and balloons that I automatically started crying. The basement is usually not where we spend a lot of time, so being trapped down here for two days was not something we were super excited about, however with a huge comfy couch, the tv, a bathroom, and a spare bedroom for night, it made sense for me to make camp down here. The little added "comforts" made it all the better! :) Thanks Mama, John, and of course my most favorite nurse, Kev.

My friends (knowing as much as my family that I am NO good at sitting around) have also been amazing. Either entertaining me on Facebook, bringing me goodies to eat, sending me well wishes via text, or just bringing their kiddos over to entertain me, they have been a real blessing! Thank you so much to those of you who contacted me for well wishes yesterday as well. I know I've said it a million times before but your support is so appreciated and does not go unnoticed. Laurel, Marlana, Heather, Erin Z, Colleen, Karen, Whitt, and Ash, you are true gems and I am lucky and thankful to have you vested in this journey with me.

We did get the tough news this morning that our remaining two eggs did not grow enough to be frozen today... So that means we have no backup if this doesn't take. Again, a moment where Kev and I both needed to take the time to be really bummed and scared, then move on. There is nothing we can do about that, and if worse comes to worse we will just start this road over again. Not our first choice, but we will push on because that's what we do well together.

So now we wait... And to be honest with you all... I will probably not update on here when we find out if this was a success or not. I feel like so many of you deserve to know as soon as we do, but with our past loss, I don't feel comfortable with the rest of the people who peek at this blog to know that early on. So please do not feel badly if you don't see it on here, I'm sure I will contact most of you personally with the news- either way.

Thank you again!!!! And please continue to keep us in your thoughts these next two weeks!!! It is going to be a LONG wait! Although after the choreographed dance routine Kevin and Rahja just performed for me, maybe it won't be so bad :)

The big day!!!!

So it's all over (for now)!!!!! We went in today and found out that four of our seven eggs had made it and that two of them were what the embryologist called "very pretty". To say we were relieved is an understatement. Would we have liked to have all seven? Of course! But we were so happy to just hear we had some that were good enough to use this morning! The process went without hitch (besides having to pee in a bedpan for the first time in my life) and my enlarged ovaries are on the road to recovery, so now I am on bed rest until Tuesday morning. Cannot even sit up more than 45 degree angle. This is probably going to kill me because I don't feel sick and I am not very good at sitting around.

Here are a few pics from today... I will post again tomorrow as I have more on my mind, but this at least updates those of you waiting to hear!
Me before going in..

Kev doing his job...

And a picture of me with our babies that they put in! Yes, these are the actual ones that they put in today!

Average Day

Just a picture of my med calendar on a normal day... And this is even post shots.

Sad news...

So, today brought some disheartening news for us. I got the call at 9:30 that only 7 of our 25 eggs fertilized last night. This is not good odds at all, especially considering that 21 of the 25 eggs were mature and ready to be fertilized. :( I know what you're thinking.. "Seven?!?! That's great! It only takes one!" Let me explain the reasons why seven is not a good number.

First off... From here until day 5 (Sunday) when they are transferred back into me, it is common to lose half of the fertilized eggs. This would put us down to possibly three. Which is still the two we need, we understand that. However, you can freeze left over eggs so that if it doesn't take this time around you can pick up from this point and try again. It is about a third the cost, a third the time, and involves no shots or painful retrievals. We were REALLY hoping that we could freeze enough of them to reduce our stress level of feeling like this "has" to work this time around. Now, that safety net has been pulled out from under us, and it adds a lot of pressure to a situation that is already filled with stress. We didn't want that.

They don't know why only seven of them worked, and were as saddened as we were about this news. We were hoping for 15, which would have still been a low number considering where we came from. As Kev put it, we felt "deflated." It has been a day of testing our positivity and faith in things working out. Every hour that passes I wonder how many more have died off. I am terrified for the next four days and I hope they FLY by. I just need to know we have enough to do this on Sunday! 

We would greatly appreciate extra prayers for those seven little eggs, that they are the best of the best and they will all (or even four) make it until Sunday! We can't afford to keep losing them! We are trying to keep our heads up and stay positive, but this has been a tough and scary bump in our road.

Retrieval Day

Today was the big day. All the shots/pills led us to this point.
I woke up this morning at 5:00 nervous about being put to sleep. I have only been put under one time before, and I got so so sick afterwards that I vomited for hours. I was not looking forward to this happening again. I also do not care for the feeling of losing control of a situation, and when you are asleep there is really no control.

We had to be there at 8:30 so that I could be prepped and ready at preciously 9:15 (35 hours after the trigger shot). Thank goodness for my amazing hubby who can distract me from almost any fear. Here is a before...

I guess everything went well. Seeing how I was asleep, I'm actually not sure at all what happened. I do remember watching the ceiling circle around me, and a bunch of people running around, then I said "This must be what it's like to be abducted by aliens?!?!" That was it for my memory of the 40 minutes I was under.

Here is the best of the after shots my hubby took. This was after I asked him "are you my husband??"

I was in some serious pain here! Even after my Fentanyl. However, the more pain meds they gave me, the longer we had to hang out there and I was feeling like I was going to throw up too, so I really just wanted to get home! Once we got home I wanted to die. Honestly. But, as usual my husband came to the rescue forcing some food down me so that I could take more pain killers, then getting me a heating pad and putting me to bed. When I woke up a little over an hour later the nausea had passed and I actually felt hungry! I'm not going to pretend I felt good, because that is still not the case. I am CRAZY sore and walk like a 90 year old woman. BUT it is still worlds better than earlier, and I will take it!

HOWEVER... This entire situation was so worth it to know that they were able to retrieve 25 eggs!!!! That's right, 25!!!!!! The average is 8-15, so I would say we did a pretty good job! :) (This could also be the reason it was so stinkin painful!)

Now we wait until the phone call tomorrow that tells us how many of our little eggs fertilized today after we left them. I am nervous. In a way I didn't want to leave them there alone. It's a funny feeling.

Thank you so very much to all the texts and phone calls I got today checking on us. I appreciate your thoughts and concerns more than you know. I don't think anyone needs to worry about me though; I have the world's best nurse living in my house :)

I'll let you know what we find out tomorrow!!!!! Fingers crossed!

Triggered

So yesterday was it... Last day of my shots (if all goes as planned).
At 10:15 EXACTLY, I gave myself the "trigger" shot for a 9:15 retrieval on Tuesday morning. I cannot believe that it is actually going to happen tomorrow! Right now it is looking like there are something like 30 follicles so we should have a great number of eggs! That is exciting! However, right now is when they think that my hyper-stimulation is really going to rear its ugly head. I am on constant watch of my symptoms and what is going to be "normal" for someone in my case... And what is not.

The doctors said I am going to get pretty sick after Tuesday morning, but that it should start to taper off by Thursday. If it does not, that is when we start getting concerned. I am so determined for this not to happen, but I would also appreciate any prayers. If I don't get better, we cannot do the transfer on Sunday, and therefore we have to start things over next month. That is NOT the route we want to go, obviously, however it can get dangerous for me if they do not put a stop to it.

These doctors are amazing. So impressive. And for the last few months I have simply been their science experiment. I know that they will not put my health in jeopardy, and I also know they want for us to be able to do a fresh transfer on Sunday, so I just have to learn to trust them. I will work on convincing my body as well :)

So off we go, for two more doctors appts this week, and then a transfer on Sunday!!! I am nervous to be put under tomorrow, but we have come so far that I am actually more excited to just get it over with and know that all these eggs I have been working to grow are now in a safe place! Wish us luck!

Thanks for the reminder, Colbie Caillat

                       "Think Good Thoughts"

I'm just gonna say it,
There's no using in delaying,
I'm tired of the angry hanging out inside me,

So I'll quiet down the devil,
I'm gonna knock him with a shovel,
And I'll burry all my troubles underneath the rubble

When I'm alone in my dark dark room,
I have to tell myself to,

Think good thoughts,
Think good thoughts,
Imagine what the world would be if we would just,
Think good thoughts,
Stop the bad from feeding,

I won't let the negativity turn me into my enemy,
Promise to myself that I won't let it get the best of me,
That's how I want to be
Na, na, na, na

I'm not saying that it's easy,
Especially when I'm moody,
I might be cursing like a sailor till I remind myself I'm better,

Cause words can be like weapons,
Oh and you use them, you regret them,
Oh but I'm not gonna let them take away my heaven

And when I start feeling blue,
I remember to tell myself to,

Think good thoughts,
Think good thoughts,
Imagine what the world would be if we would just,
Think good thoughts,
Stop the bad from feeding,

I won't let the negativity turn me into my enemy,
Promise to myself that I won't let it get the best of me,
That's how I want to be

I just think rain on a summer night,
Stars filling up the sky,
Sunshining on my face,
Making a secret wish,
Finding my happiness,
That always makes me hold my head up high,
I wanna hold my head up high,

I wanna think good thoughts (Imagine what the world would be if we would just think good thoughts)
I wanna think good thoughts (wouldn't that be something?)
I won't let the negativity turn me into my enemy,
Promise to myself that I won't let it get the best of me,
That's how I want to be
Na, na, na, na