Oh blog, where do I begin?

I have been a really bad blogger. I haven't meant to, in fact I have opened this website a million times this summer... and then closed it again. It just didn't feel like the right time. But lately, I have been forced into doing some re-evaluating of me, and my life, and now it feels right.

So, wwaayyy back in June, Kev and I found out that our 14 month journey had come to an end. We were finally going to be parents! We were beyond elated. I can't even describe the relief and excitement for both of us, and really everyone who is close to us. But a few weeks later I suffered through an extremely painful miscarriage. My world crumbled around me, around both of us really. I have never felt such a dark, horrible place. It was truly awful. BUT our amazingly supportive family and selected friends (who knew about the pregnancy) surrounded us in love, and kind words, and, along with a quick trip to the beach to get us all out of the house, we very very slowly healed. Kevin was so sad, but became the most amazingly strong man I have ever seen. He put his own hurt aside and took such good care of me. It was only after I had started healing (and after the miscarriage appt that was made originally to be the first time we heard our baby's heartbeat) that I decided I needed to find something positive in this horrible experience, and I was able to find so many things that it really became what helped heal my broken heart.

I won't share all of those things, because whoever is reading this is probably already bored, but basically I realized that Kevin and my marriage can withstand anything. I think we so easily begin to take each other for granted and at this moment in my life it was blinding just how truly amazing he is, and we are together. Also the other huge thing I realized was that my friends/co-workers/family are astonishingly amazing. Truly the best. And even though I avoided all of your phone calls for a little while, I did listen to your messages as soon as they came in, and I cried because you are all so thoughtful and caring. I am a lucky, lucky woman. Thank you.

Life moved on. With lots more doctor appointments and more plans and prescriptions for fertility drugs. WE moved on. Together. We were able to spend a wonderful weekend with Kevin's family in Bend celebrating my beautiful sister-in-law's wedding. And we had a blast! It felt good to forget, if only for a weekend. And we celebrated our fourth wedding anniversary, as usual style for Kev and I, doing something terrifying! Things were looking up.

Then comes the end of August... Another really rough time. I found out that I, again, was not pregnant and then later that day-that I had not gotten the job that I was hoping and praying for. It was a bad, bad day. And you know what's funny? It was those same people who got me through earlier this summer, who were again on my team. I can't lie, I am still devastated that I won't be returning to my old school, I will miss everyone terribly, but it was another time where I had to decide to find something bright before it all got too dark to handle.

And so, with my loyal husband (and really dogs too, since we spent a few hours that night sitting on a bench at the dog park drinking coffee, crying, and figuring out life) we decided maybe this happened so that I can have one last time to do other things, like finish school... It only made sense that the next day I applied for Graduate School at Concordia University. Then, the next day, my computer died and we had to go buy a new one so that I could even make the application deadline. Seriously. Anyways, that will start on September 18th, and even though I don't have a job and am investing 20,000 dollars more into my education, I know this is as good as time as ever! I keep telling myself maybe something better will come along, let me just say first- nothing could be better than working as a team with Heather (because I know now, that you read this :)) but maybe it's time to spread my wings and move on to other districts.

Luckily for us, financially we don't depend on my checks. We use them to pay things off and travel on, and with subbing to fall back on, we may still get to do a few trips this year. We are blessed that we don't have the added stress of "what are we going to do" that so many others feel when they don't get a job. And really, with school, subbing will work out perfectly because I don't have to work on days that I have other things to do. So there, see, it did work out the way it was supposed to!

The purpose of writing this isn't to complain, or to make people feel sorry for us, but a way for me to reflect. I have thought so much about myself and the life we live lately, and I am actually thankful for the summer we have had because it makes me want to be better. I want to be "that friend" for my friends who have been there for me, and I want to be the wife that Kev deserves. I want to focus on being a positive, truthful, happy person who is worried about others, and happy for them when something good happens. It is my time to start returning favors and support. And I am glad!

There have been a lot of obstacles thrown out in front of us this last couple of months, and honestly, I never thought I was good at hurdling, but I know one thing, I'm getting better!

I am a planner. To the last detail. Period. But I have learned that sometimes that just doesn't work. A hard, hard lesson for me. Even though I don't know the plans for Kev and I right now, I know whatever they turn out to be, we will be there together, and for that I could not be more thankful!

May Day!

 I just realized that I never blogged my Rahja Maye's 5th birthday! I feel like a bad mommy. We have been so busy lately that I have let things slip a little. SO here goes...

So once again, we decided to do a Humane Society walk to celebrate Rahja's special day, and this time we were able to do the one in Portland that raises money for the shelter that she actually came from, so that was really cool for us. Since she was shelter alumni she also got a cute little alumni bandana (which made Nala a little sad). The weather held up all day and we got to hit up the Saturday market on the way back! 

It was a BUSY 2.5 mile walk, but the girls did amazingly. Even Nala, who is not fond of other dogs, suffered through it for her sister :)

We cherish all the fun things we are able to do with these two little furry loves, because they are such good girls!!!

I love these three!!!

After the walk all of Rahja's friends came over for cupcakes! What a chaotic mess this house was!

Really these birthdays are just a way to get our family together and enjoy our "furry children." I can't imagine what life would be like without having a dog around!

Life keeps movin on...

Once again, it's been a long time since I blogged. I just feel like, even though time has moved on, nothing has really "blogworthy" has happened in our lives.

As you already know, Kev and I spent a week in Maui during spring break, and were able to just do whatever we wanted, whenever we wanted, and sit all day at the beach in the sunshine if we wanted, without thinking about "things." :) Kevin even talked me into taking surfing lessons with him while we were there, which I was truly terrified of doing, but ended up loving it! It was an amazing time (like all of our trips) and is somewhere we will go again for sure. In fact we came home and signed up to do a house swap this winter, but after much talk with the other family, they would have rather we left our dogs home and we are just not willing to do that for two and a half months.

Although we would love to be jetting off to Europe again this summer, we have decided to stay home and dedicate our summer to gardening in our beautiful yard. Kevin's hard work pays off daily, when we walk out onto our deck and glance down into our amazing yard! We cannot wait to have fresh fruits, veggies and eggs, and to have bbqs with friends, neighbors and family all summer-without being totally embarrassed of the yard. I am reminded, once again, how great my husband is.

School is coming to an end, which both saddens, and excites me. I love the job that I have had this year! The kids are wonderful, my teaching partner is amazing, and part-time work is fantastic!!! Plus, jobs for next year are looking VERY scarce. I hate being in limbo and not knowing about the next school year, but it's something I am going to have to get used to for the next couple of years. However, school being over HAS to mean that sunshine is coming!!! (Please, please, please)

And let's see... We, (Kev, our Dr. and myself) have decided to stop just "waiting" for things to happen, and she has referred us to a specialist. We are feeling really hopeful (once again) and excited to have something new to try! Thank you again for those continued prayers and positive thoughts, we feel them, we really do.

This time of year is my favorite! Makes people feel positive and hopeful. Which is something I can always use in my life. 

So... if it's a sunny day, and you find yourselves our way, stop by and have a drink on the deck with us! That is what we love about the sun!

If we had no winter, the spring would not be so pleasant; if we did not sometimes taste of adversity, prosperity would not be so welcome.  ~Anne Bradstreet

Dear Kevin....

You're a falling star, you're the get away car.

You're the line in the sand when I go too far.

You're the swimming pool, on an August day.

And you're the perfect thing to say.

And you play it coy but it's kinda cute.

Ah, when you smile at me you know exactly what you do.

Baby don't pretend that you don't know it's true.

'cause you can see it when I look at you.

And in this crazy life, and through these crazy times

It's you, it's you, you make me sing.

You're every line, you're every word, you're everything.

You're a carousel, you're a wishing well,

And you light me up, when you ring my bell.

You're a mystery, you're from outer space,

You're every minute of my everyday.

And I can't believe, uh that I'm your woman,

And I get to kiss you baby just because I can.

Whatever comes our way, ah we'll see it through,

And you know that's what our love can do.

So, la, la, la, la, la, la, la

So, la, la, la, la, la, la, la

And in this crazy life, and through these crazy times

It's you, it's you, you make me sing.

You're every line, you're every word, you're everything.

You're every song, and I sing along.

'Cause you're my everything.

February- Dave's Visit

What a crazy busy month we have had... But it sure has been a fun one!

Our good friend Dave came out from Wisconsin and spent two weeks spoiling our girls rotten :) We tried to do lots of fun stuff and stay busy while he visited, so here are a couple of our adventures...

 Celebrating Nala's 3rd birthday. She was so 

happy Dave was here to give her extra treats!

Spent some time just lounging... Girls are not normally on the couch, but this was an exception :)

Spent an amazingly beautiful Saturday at the beach! (After a rather frightening drive over the mountains to get there)

It was such a treat to spend the day in the sunshine!!!! 

We made sure and took the time to just sit and soak it all in too!

 Kev and his mom took up a new hobby of roasting their own coffee beans, and were able to treat Dave and myself to some extra delicious coffee!!!! 

We also spent a beautiful weekday walking around Portland (thank goodness once again for me being able to work part time), drinking Stumptown coffee, trying new restaurants, time at both Kev and my families for dinners, and having a birthday dinner for Dave at a new place! Not to mention he and Kev came up for lunch one Friday while I was at work and were lucky enough to meet all my 26 little cherubs :)

This morning Kev and Dave took off in our old neighbors' car (they moved to Wisconsin last month and Kev is driving their car and a load of things to them and flying home) headed across the US. Even that became more exciting than planned when we woke up to this...

Although busy, it has been so much fun getting to spend time with good friends, family, and getting to enjoy the place we live and take so for granted. Now I will sit and worry for five days, until I pick that handsome husband of mine up at the airport and know that he is home safe. :) However, we will miss Dave, ESPECIALLY my little girls who he is SO good to, and will be excited for another visit from him!

THANKS FOR ALL THE FUN, DAVE!!!

Turn on your speakers!

Cuz I just added music to my blog for your reading pleasure :)

Life...

Life here at the O'Neil house has been, in some aspects slowing down, and in others, busier than ever!

I am working part time and LOVING IT!!! I work with an amazing teacher/friend who I have total respect for, and am able to communicate (daily) with. We are both very organized, and both have high expectations for our students, which makes it easier for us to work side by side. I am able to be an excited, well rested, teacher each week, with only working 2 or 3 days a week. I also think my students love getting to switch teachers, and it keeps them from getting so bored with me :)
Kevin and I have been so blessed during this time by getting to spend so much time together! He only works 2-3 days a week also, so we get to be together at least five days a week. It has been really, really, nice. We have been able to get so much done around our house, and couldn't be more excited for spring time so we can start our garden, and get our chickens out in their newly finished condo.

We also have a dear friend coming to stay in a few days, and are so excited about that! But, we did have to say goodbye to our dear neighbors, as they moved home to Wisconsin last week to be with family. We are so saddened by losing them, but know that there is nothing better than having your parents near where you live!

We also have received more test results dealing with our fertility. The last results showed that I had no sign of ovulating, and my doctor was going to put in an order for Clomid, but I had been using an at home ovulation kit and think that it is just happening much later than we all had been calculating. So, more blood tests coming this week, and one more set of results before we do start on the Clomid. Please cross your fingers that this has been the issue all along, as going on this fertility drug may make for a bumpy ride in our home! :)

The sun is shining, we have so many exciting things planned this month, I get to live the life of a part time employee, all while spending time with the love of my life. Life is sweet. Even though things that we both want to badly have not been solved, we feel like there is a ray of hope at this time. Cherish this day, and don't think of tomorrow!

Oh and happy almost third birthday to my little puppy Nala Jaye!!!! I love you!!!

You knew I couldn't get through an entire post without mention of these little girls :)

Ta-ta!