Retrieval Day

Today was the big day. All the shots/pills led us to this point.
I woke up this morning at 5:00 nervous about being put to sleep. I have only been put under one time before, and I got so so sick afterwards that I vomited for hours. I was not looking forward to this happening again. I also do not care for the feeling of losing control of a situation, and when you are asleep there is really no control.

We had to be there at 8:30 so that I could be prepped and ready at preciously 9:15 (35 hours after the trigger shot). Thank goodness for my amazing hubby who can distract me from almost any fear. Here is a before...

I guess everything went well. Seeing how I was asleep, I'm actually not sure at all what happened. I do remember watching the ceiling circle around me, and a bunch of people running around, then I said "This must be what it's like to be abducted by aliens?!?!" That was it for my memory of the 40 minutes I was under.

Here is the best of the after shots my hubby took. This was after I asked him "are you my husband??"

I was in some serious pain here! Even after my Fentanyl. However, the more pain meds they gave me, the longer we had to hang out there and I was feeling like I was going to throw up too, so I really just wanted to get home! Once we got home I wanted to die. Honestly. But, as usual my husband came to the rescue forcing some food down me so that I could take more pain killers, then getting me a heating pad and putting me to bed. When I woke up a little over an hour later the nausea had passed and I actually felt hungry! I'm not going to pretend I felt good, because that is still not the case. I am CRAZY sore and walk like a 90 year old woman. BUT it is still worlds better than earlier, and I will take it!

HOWEVER... This entire situation was so worth it to know that they were able to retrieve 25 eggs!!!! That's right, 25!!!!!! The average is 8-15, so I would say we did a pretty good job! :) (This could also be the reason it was so stinkin painful!)

Now we wait until the phone call tomorrow that tells us how many of our little eggs fertilized today after we left them. I am nervous. In a way I didn't want to leave them there alone. It's a funny feeling.

Thank you so very much to all the texts and phone calls I got today checking on us. I appreciate your thoughts and concerns more than you know. I don't think anyone needs to worry about me though; I have the world's best nurse living in my house :)

I'll let you know what we find out tomorrow!!!!! Fingers crossed!

Triggered

So yesterday was it... Last day of my shots (if all goes as planned).
At 10:15 EXACTLY, I gave myself the "trigger" shot for a 9:15 retrieval on Tuesday morning. I cannot believe that it is actually going to happen tomorrow! Right now it is looking like there are something like 30 follicles so we should have a great number of eggs! That is exciting! However, right now is when they think that my hyper-stimulation is really going to rear its ugly head. I am on constant watch of my symptoms and what is going to be "normal" for someone in my case... And what is not.

The doctors said I am going to get pretty sick after Tuesday morning, but that it should start to taper off by Thursday. If it does not, that is when we start getting concerned. I am so determined for this not to happen, but I would also appreciate any prayers. If I don't get better, we cannot do the transfer on Sunday, and therefore we have to start things over next month. That is NOT the route we want to go, obviously, however it can get dangerous for me if they do not put a stop to it.

These doctors are amazing. So impressive. And for the last few months I have simply been their science experiment. I know that they will not put my health in jeopardy, and I also know they want for us to be able to do a fresh transfer on Sunday, so I just have to learn to trust them. I will work on convincing my body as well :)

So off we go, for two more doctors appts this week, and then a transfer on Sunday!!! I am nervous to be put under tomorrow, but we have come so far that I am actually more excited to just get it over with and know that all these eggs I have been working to grow are now in a safe place! Wish us luck!

Thanks for the reminder, Colbie Caillat

                       "Think Good Thoughts"

I'm just gonna say it,
There's no using in delaying,
I'm tired of the angry hanging out inside me,

So I'll quiet down the devil,
I'm gonna knock him with a shovel,
And I'll burry all my troubles underneath the rubble

When I'm alone in my dark dark room,
I have to tell myself to,

Think good thoughts,
Think good thoughts,
Imagine what the world would be if we would just,
Think good thoughts,
Stop the bad from feeding,

I won't let the negativity turn me into my enemy,
Promise to myself that I won't let it get the best of me,
That's how I want to be
Na, na, na, na

I'm not saying that it's easy,
Especially when I'm moody,
I might be cursing like a sailor till I remind myself I'm better,

Cause words can be like weapons,
Oh and you use them, you regret them,
Oh but I'm not gonna let them take away my heaven

And when I start feeling blue,
I remember to tell myself to,

Think good thoughts,
Think good thoughts,
Imagine what the world would be if we would just,
Think good thoughts,
Stop the bad from feeding,

I won't let the negativity turn me into my enemy,
Promise to myself that I won't let it get the best of me,
That's how I want to be

I just think rain on a summer night,
Stars filling up the sky,
Sunshining on my face,
Making a secret wish,
Finding my happiness,
That always makes me hold my head up high,
I wanna hold my head up high,

I wanna think good thoughts (Imagine what the world would be if we would just think good thoughts)
I wanna think good thoughts (wouldn't that be something?)
I won't let the negativity turn me into my enemy,
Promise to myself that I won't let it get the best of me,
That's how I want to be
Na, na, na, na

Shots, pills and more shots...

So sorry~ I have been meaning to update you fine folks but the time in my world has been FLYING by and somehow it has already been a week since the last time I blogged... How does that happen????

Anywho- School is out, and that is a wonderful thing seeing how our dr appts have been changed to EVERY STINKIN MORNING. No joke. Let me explain our current situation.

We had our appt on the 15th and were told that all was well, start the shots the next day. That morning I was nervous and excited to get going, but when "shot time" (which is now a real time used to plan things around) rolled around; I got a little sweaty and shaky. Kev stood and walked me through the entire process (thank God for him and his knowledge of giving shots) of mixing this vial with that, into that one, then change the needle, then let it sit. This particular one sits for 15 minutes to reduce the burning while injecting it. (Reduce mind you, not eliminate)... With all that said, it was not near as bad or scary as I was picturing putting a needle into my stomach. And ever since, it has been smooth sailing,three times daily. Some days they hurt worse than others, some they bleed worse than others, some I have done in the car while Kev drives down the freeway, but mostly, I feel like an experienced junky. We have a lifetime supply of needles lying around our house and alcohol wipes is a normal bathroom toiletry now. It's strange, but our new norm.

The only glitch we have come across is no surprise to anyone; mostly not to my lovely doctor. Goes something like this... On that Friday when I went in, my hormone level was 39 and looked good. The next Tuesday shortly after we left I got a phone call saying that my levels were a little high, as the measured slightly over 800! I was shocked and a little scared. Levels growing this quickly are a first sign of that nasty thing OHSS, (did you Google it yet?) that they were so worried about with me to begin with. Fast forward to today (two days later) and that same hormone level is now 2495!!!! Not good. At all. So high that we run a huge chance of being cancelled on at this point. They are very concerned about my health, especially if I were to get pregnant. So, doses are changing, shots are being swapped for others, appts have been downgraded from every other, to every day, and mine and Kev's guards are up. At this point there is nothing I can physically do to help this to go back to where it should be, however they said I need to start drinking boatloads of liquids asap to try and help myself to not dehydrate from what my ovaries are currently pulling on me.

This obviously is not the news we wanted to hear, and we are both a little scared about it, however, I feel great! I have no symptoms, no side effects except a bruised up tummy, I sleep fine, I'm not gaining weight (yet) and I refuse to let my body decide to change that. We have come too far to stop now, and I will do everything in my power to use mind over matter to get this body in a safe enough place to put those little eggies back inside.

I know all I do is ask for prayers and support, but I know it helps! You are all amazing and appreciated!!! Right now, we are looking at next Tuesday or Wednesday for a retrieval date for all those 30 eggs that are growing like crazy! And if I can do anything about it, it will be smooth sailing until then! Cross your fingers.

Thanks again!!!!!

Big day tomorrow

Tomorrow is a day of mixed emotions... It marks the one year anniversary of our devastating loss, and a day of big tests that my body has to pass in order to continue on with this round of IVF. I am nervous, stressed, worried, anxious, saddened, and will hopefully be too busy to feel the heartbreak that I have been avoiding feeling for the past year.

Luckily, with my morning starting at 5, my dr appt at 7 in Portland, making it to work by 8 to have "camp" for 24 all day, including a hot dog lunch in the classroom, I think I will be so busy and exhausted that I will not even have time to think... I hope.

So if you could... Keep us in your thoughts tomorrow. We would appreciate it as it's kind of a big/tough day for us.

Thanks!

First off, thank you to all of those who have contacted me in some way to offer support. I appreciate each and every one of you. Your kind words touch my heart, and make me tear up every single time. :)

We are doing great!!! First part of IVF (the suppression phase) is almost over already! The birth control, which I was worried about because I have had somewhat nasty side effects in the past, has been a breeze! As for the other 5 pills I am currently taking... Nothin. It has been wonderful. Not even tummy problems. I am so very thankful.

It is so helpful too, that it is the end of the school year and I am buried in things to do for the next two weeks. Keeps me good and distracted, and doesn't allow for sickness or over thinking of things. Which, honestly... I need sometimes.

I start a new drug on Monday, which is known for causing insomnia... so that could be scary. Then a doctor appt on Friday morning (the 15th) to make sure that everything shut down the way it was supposed to. If all looks good (please cross fingers, say prayers, or send thoughts... whatever you do) we start injections on Saturday the 16th. That is when it could all get a little scary. :) However, we are just so excited and ready to be doing this, that I have just made up my mind that I am not going to let things affect me. I am going through this with a positive outlook and a determined mindset. We consider ourselves lucky, if you can believe that, that we have the means, and the support and love for each other to even try this route.

I'll update again next week! Thank you again, I can feel your support every day!!!!

Warning....

For any of you that read this I wanted to warn you... Our blog is going to take a drastic change for the next two months. If you have no interest in reading day after day about my experience with In-Vitro Fertilization, then I suggest not checking in for a few months.

After talking with Kev, I decided that this would be my safe place of refuge from this whole thing. A place, not only to dump my thoughts, worries, concerns, but a place to track my journey and to be able to look back and remember what we have been through together. So, it begins...

Day 1 of IVF comes with an overwhelming sense of excitement but an equal amount of fear. To be terrified doesn't even do it justice. How will my body react to all of these drugs and injections? How will I handle stabbing myself in the stomach twice a day? How will our bank account bounce back? What will we do if it doesn't work (something we have not even been able to talk about yet). What if it does work and then we miscarry again? What if it works and I go on bed rest (I think I would off myself). How will we deal with the stress of going through this, and then the stress of worrying if it actually works? Should I be excited, or is too soon to feel that way??? Hopeful- 70% is good odds, however, I have always prided myself with being in the top (and smaller) percentage of things... Is this my 30%? These are just a few of my thoughts tonight as I swallow my first birth control pill in three years. "Birth control?" you say. Oh yes... Very tricky business this IVF world.

Turns out that the doctor is very concerned about me getting OHSS (scary stuff, Google it) which basically means they set my ovaries into overdrive that causes them to freak out and start leaking, which causes large amounts of fluid to collect in my tummy and can create thickened blood (also very not good) ANYWHO, in order to help avoid that they put my lovely little ovaries "to sleep" for two weeks before we get started. This is so that they will turn themselves off until I start injecting them with hormones. Helps the doctors to have more control, and therefore, less chances of OHSS (cross your fingers). I have a wonderful doctor, who is going to keep a VERY close eye on me, so I am resting my worries about this in his hands. Plus, he told us himself that making babies is his superpower, and we have been waiting for two and a half years to find someone with that superpower, so I think I'll let him be in charge!! ;)

Isn't science amazing?

So, jump on the train!!!! Next stop, injections training!!! Woot woot!!!