Life keeps movin on...

Once again, it's been a long time since I blogged. I just feel like, even though time has moved on, nothing has really "blogworthy" has happened in our lives.

As you already know, Kev and I spent a week in Maui during spring break, and were able to just do whatever we wanted, whenever we wanted, and sit all day at the beach in the sunshine if we wanted, without thinking about "things." :) Kevin even talked me into taking surfing lessons with him while we were there, which I was truly terrified of doing, but ended up loving it! It was an amazing time (like all of our trips) and is somewhere we will go again for sure. In fact we came home and signed up to do a house swap this winter, but after much talk with the other family, they would have rather we left our dogs home and we are just not willing to do that for two and a half months.

Although we would love to be jetting off to Europe again this summer, we have decided to stay home and dedicate our summer to gardening in our beautiful yard. Kevin's hard work pays off daily, when we walk out onto our deck and glance down into our amazing yard! We cannot wait to have fresh fruits, veggies and eggs, and to have bbqs with friends, neighbors and family all summer-without being totally embarrassed of the yard. I am reminded, once again, how great my husband is.

School is coming to an end, which both saddens, and excites me. I love the job that I have had this year! The kids are wonderful, my teaching partner is amazing, and part-time work is fantastic!!! Plus, jobs for next year are looking VERY scarce. I hate being in limbo and not knowing about the next school year, but it's something I am going to have to get used to for the next couple of years. However, school being over HAS to mean that sunshine is coming!!! (Please, please, please)

And let's see... We, (Kev, our Dr. and myself) have decided to stop just "waiting" for things to happen, and she has referred us to a specialist. We are feeling really hopeful (once again) and excited to have something new to try! Thank you again for those continued prayers and positive thoughts, we feel them, we really do.

This time of year is my favorite! Makes people feel positive and hopeful. Which is something I can always use in my life. 

So... if it's a sunny day, and you find yourselves our way, stop by and have a drink on the deck with us! That is what we love about the sun!

If we had no winter, the spring would not be so pleasant; if we did not sometimes taste of adversity, prosperity would not be so welcome.  ~Anne Bradstreet

Dear Kevin....

You're a falling star, you're the get away car.

You're the line in the sand when I go too far.

You're the swimming pool, on an August day.

And you're the perfect thing to say.

And you play it coy but it's kinda cute.

Ah, when you smile at me you know exactly what you do.

Baby don't pretend that you don't know it's true.

'cause you can see it when I look at you.

And in this crazy life, and through these crazy times

It's you, it's you, you make me sing.

You're every line, you're every word, you're everything.

You're a carousel, you're a wishing well,

And you light me up, when you ring my bell.

You're a mystery, you're from outer space,

You're every minute of my everyday.

And I can't believe, uh that I'm your woman,

And I get to kiss you baby just because I can.

Whatever comes our way, ah we'll see it through,

And you know that's what our love can do.

So, la, la, la, la, la, la, la

So, la, la, la, la, la, la, la

And in this crazy life, and through these crazy times

It's you, it's you, you make me sing.

You're every line, you're every word, you're everything.

You're every song, and I sing along.

'Cause you're my everything.

February- Dave's Visit

What a crazy busy month we have had... But it sure has been a fun one!

Our good friend Dave came out from Wisconsin and spent two weeks spoiling our girls rotten :) We tried to do lots of fun stuff and stay busy while he visited, so here are a couple of our adventures...

 Celebrating Nala's 3rd birthday. She was so 

happy Dave was here to give her extra treats!

Spent some time just lounging... Girls are not normally on the couch, but this was an exception :)

Spent an amazingly beautiful Saturday at the beach! (After a rather frightening drive over the mountains to get there)

It was such a treat to spend the day in the sunshine!!!! 

We made sure and took the time to just sit and soak it all in too!

 Kev and his mom took up a new hobby of roasting their own coffee beans, and were able to treat Dave and myself to some extra delicious coffee!!!! 

We also spent a beautiful weekday walking around Portland (thank goodness once again for me being able to work part time), drinking Stumptown coffee, trying new restaurants, time at both Kev and my families for dinners, and having a birthday dinner for Dave at a new place! Not to mention he and Kev came up for lunch one Friday while I was at work and were lucky enough to meet all my 26 little cherubs :)

This morning Kev and Dave took off in our old neighbors' car (they moved to Wisconsin last month and Kev is driving their car and a load of things to them and flying home) headed across the US. Even that became more exciting than planned when we woke up to this...

Although busy, it has been so much fun getting to spend time with good friends, family, and getting to enjoy the place we live and take so for granted. Now I will sit and worry for five days, until I pick that handsome husband of mine up at the airport and know that he is home safe. :) However, we will miss Dave, ESPECIALLY my little girls who he is SO good to, and will be excited for another visit from him!

THANKS FOR ALL THE FUN, DAVE!!!

Turn on your speakers!

Cuz I just added music to my blog for your reading pleasure :)

Life...

Life here at the O'Neil house has been, in some aspects slowing down, and in others, busier than ever!

I am working part time and LOVING IT!!! I work with an amazing teacher/friend who I have total respect for, and am able to communicate (daily) with. We are both very organized, and both have high expectations for our students, which makes it easier for us to work side by side. I am able to be an excited, well rested, teacher each week, with only working 2 or 3 days a week. I also think my students love getting to switch teachers, and it keeps them from getting so bored with me :)
Kevin and I have been so blessed during this time by getting to spend so much time together! He only works 2-3 days a week also, so we get to be together at least five days a week. It has been really, really, nice. We have been able to get so much done around our house, and couldn't be more excited for spring time so we can start our garden, and get our chickens out in their newly finished condo.

We also have a dear friend coming to stay in a few days, and are so excited about that! But, we did have to say goodbye to our dear neighbors, as they moved home to Wisconsin last week to be with family. We are so saddened by losing them, but know that there is nothing better than having your parents near where you live!

We also have received more test results dealing with our fertility. The last results showed that I had no sign of ovulating, and my doctor was going to put in an order for Clomid, but I had been using an at home ovulation kit and think that it is just happening much later than we all had been calculating. So, more blood tests coming this week, and one more set of results before we do start on the Clomid. Please cross your fingers that this has been the issue all along, as going on this fertility drug may make for a bumpy ride in our home! :)

The sun is shining, we have so many exciting things planned this month, I get to live the life of a part time employee, all while spending time with the love of my life. Life is sweet. Even though things that we both want to badly have not been solved, we feel like there is a ray of hope at this time. Cherish this day, and don't think of tomorrow!

Oh and happy almost third birthday to my little puppy Nala Jaye!!!! I love you!!!

You knew I couldn't get through an entire post without mention of these little girls :)

Ta-ta!

Struggles

I have not been blogging for one reason... I don't have the thing that I so badly want to be blogging about. 


For many, many months Kevin and I have been keeping a big secret from almost everyone we know. I have been ashamed and embarrassed and felt pretty much alone. As I was reading someone else's blog this morning I realized, I need this; I need to have a place to talk and vent my troubles, to sort through my thoughts and to hopefully gain support and strength. 


Since April of last year Kev and I have been trying to get pregnant. I went about it kind of like this: 
I will go off birth control in April. I will get pregnant in Aug or Sept. I will have a baby right near the last weeks of school. I will have all summer off with my new little bundle of joy, then go back to work.
Well... The only part of this plan that seemed to go correctly was the stopping birth control in April.


I didn't worry for a long time. Not until about November did it become something that started to consume me. I think this is because around November EVERYONE I KNOW (and I am honestly not exaggerating) was either announcing pregnancy or new babies. This became a really hard thing to listen to, when I knew that we have been secretly trying for months and were getting nothing. I started to worry that maybe something was wrong, and insisted that we go get everything checked out. My husband, being the amazing man that he is, went right along with this plan, and we spent Thanksgiving break being poked and prodded and delivering "things" to be tested :) In fact I drove to the doctors on Thanksgiving morning to make a drop off for testing. All of this being done with only a selected few (maybe three) of my friends knowing. I just felt too ashamed to tell anyone in our families yet. Once we received the results though, my feelings changed.


A few days after our tests we got a letter with the results, asking us to come in for an appointment. I was excited and terrified. We found out that everything with Kev was totally fine, but a few tests of mine made our dr (who is a wonderfully warm woman) believe that I wasn't ovulating. I was distraught at hearing this because of the struggles one of our friends had recently had due to this same issue, and I just couldn't keep it to myself anymore. I had to share all of this with the one person (besides Kev) that I tell everything too, because it was simply too much to keep in anymore. We made the choice to share the information with my mom, even though I wanted more than anything to surprise her with a pregnancy announcement, I now knew this was going to be a much longer road than we once thought. 


I am not sharing to receive sympathy, because through this journey you would not believe some of the stories I have heard from other women, but I am sharing just to share. I feel like I have been hiding information, or keeping too many secrets. I hope that more of you can shed light on our situation, and share with me your stories so that this becomes an even less alone of a feeling. The one thing I request that no one says to me is "just relax and don't think about it and it will happen" this is a VERY annoying thing to hear when you have a biological clock ticking so loudly that you can't seem to hear anything else. Women who have been through this and can relate know, there is simply no way to not think about it, and the women who have not experienced having to truly want and WAIT for a baby simply cannot relate to the feeling. 


I don't want this to become my identity, but it is something that is beginning to be a part of who I am, and when I hear of someone else who is going though or has been through this, I automatically feel bonded. I want to shed light for others that is it nothing to feel ashamed of, and that once talked about maybe I will feel less pressure and less like I have too much locked up inside. 


More tests this month, and maybe more answers next month... As I sit here typing I am still not sure that I want to publish this for anyone to see, but it feels good to write about it. I realize while reading some friends of mine's blogs that things could be much worse, I could be losing a child, or dealing with a sick spouse, and I have neither of those things to worry about. This is something that I am trying to look at as a speedbump, and not a road block. It is taking us more time than expected, but I know in the end the joy will be unlike anything either of us has experienced. I can't wait to share the news with all of you that the wait is over... someday. 


Oh and for those of you who have been such an amazing support system until this point... Keeping it secret from anyone else, and letting me talk about it until you probably cannot stand to hear one more thing- You are greatly appreciated. Really. You have been my sanity. And probably Kevin's too, as then we can talk about other things together :)
Some of you even brave asking me about it... To which you probably get more than you wanted as a response. Thank you again.

"A friend is someone who is there for you when she'd rather be anywhere else." 

- Len Wein 

It's been a while...

It has been a long time since I have blogged. Life has just been so busy around here that I am having a hard time keeping up with anything that is not work related, but I need to try harder to do that. So here is a quick update on what we have been up to here at the O'Neil house...
October was filled with my birthday celebrations, conference week at work, a trip to the pumpkin patch, Halloween parties and parades at school, Halloween at home (carving pumpkins and decorating) and time with family home from out of town.
November has flown by thus far, we have celebrated John's birthday, my brother's birthday, Kev sold his truck and is shopping for a new one, Kev finished the bar in the basement, we finally got the basement looking like we live there (with pictures and what not), Kev and his Dad are putting windows in our living room this week, and are getting ready to host our first Thanksgiving at our house.
It is a busy, busy, busy life, but it is one that I would not change for the world. With the holiday season approaching it is a good time to remember all of the things I am thankful for, and here are a few-

My husband- I sometimes have to remind myself how lucky I am to have him because it is something that I just get used to. It is hard to not take your spouse for granted, but it is something I try to remember everyday. I honestly believe that I married THE most amazing man in this universe (and I know everyone says this, but mine is actually true) :) and I feel so incredibly lucky to have found someone who I connect so well with on (almost) every level. He and I share the same visions for our future together, and are both willing to put the work in to get us to where we want to be.

My family- Or should I say OUR families. Kevin and I were blessed with family who are close and involved in each others lives, and we wouldn't want it any other way. Family is our biggest support system, and I truly cherish the two sets we have.

My friends- Even though we may not get to spend much time together, when Kev and I do finally coordinate schedules with our friends we always leave saying "they are so much fun to be around." There aren't a lot of friendships that you leave every single time with a gut ache from laughing, and feeling so positive and revived, but somehow Kev and I ended up with all sets of those kinds of friends!

My job- Well actually I appreciate both Kevin and my jobs. We both get to go to work and do something we love. And we also both get to bring home paychecks that support the lifestyle we want to live. This is a true blessing in these terrible economic times. Plus, we are enjoying getting some things paid off during this time of having "DINK" status. (Double income, no kids)

My dogs- You knew I couldn't complete this without mentioning them right? :) I love these little furry creatures so stinking much. I know they are hairy, smelly, dirty, expensive, and cause us to lose many of hours of sleep, but their unconditional love trumps all of these things.

So, take a minute and think about the things in your life that are going right. Even when you have a terrible day, and things seem dark and gloomy, these things will still be there. We just have to remember to look for them!